My church is going through a difficult time. It all started with the Supreme Court’s decision to legalize gay marriage earlier this year. This decision puts Christian churches in an untenable position. Our government says churches cannot discriminate against gay couples who want to get married in the church. Yet asking pastors to marry homosexuals goes against God’s Word. But the issue is larger than “gay marriage.” How should churches respond to the gay community who want to be a part of our family of faith?

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My pastor decided to be proactive. He gathered his pastoral staff and the Church Council to process the implications of the Court’s decision. In early June he presented a hypothetical situation to the leadership team: If a same sex couple came to us and asked us to dedicate their child, how will we respond? They met regularly to study the Bible. They prayed together to seek God’s wisdom. They had robust theological discussions on this topic. Some of you may think this is a no brainer, but this was a tough question to answer.

The leadership team acknowledged that they have dedicated children of single parents. They have dedicated children who were born out of wedlock. Grandparents have asked the church to dedicate their grandchildren. We have never said “no” in these situations. If parents want the church’s support to help them raise their child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we will gladly say yes.

To arrive at the answer, our leaders asked this key question: “What does love require in this situation?” By the end of summer, our leadership reached consensus. They discerned after much prayer that the Holy Spirit was saying, “Yes, we will dedicate the child of same sex parents.” Our pastor shared with the congregation one Scripture passage that they couldn’t ignore. It is in Matthew 18:1-5. The disciples approached Jesus asking Him “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Jesus called a little child and had him stand among them. Jesus then told them, “Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me and the One who sent me.” Our ministers believed that love requires that we not penalize a child for a situation they don’t control. Love requires that we welcome this child into His church. We will dedicate a child based on the qualifications of the child, not the qualifications of the parents.

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As you can imagine, this created turbulence in our congregation, starting with a worship leader who resigned immediately over this decision. He believed that dedicating a child to same sex parents was giving tacit agreement to their lifestyle. He wasn’t alone.

Some of our members have left the church. They extrapolated this scenario to a larger question, “Would our pastors marry gay couples?” Let me be clear. The answer is a BIG.FAT.NO. Our pastors have no intention of violating God’s truth by marrying a gay couple. But that reassurance wasn’t enough. Some members still left because they believed our church was condoning the gay lifestyle, which is not true. Others left because they feared that our church stepped onto the proverbial slippery slope. If we’ll dedicate children of same sex parents, what will be next?

Our church’s mission statement is to serve the bruised, battered, bored, and the broken of our community and the world. We want to reclaim them, restore them, and help them be reproducers for the cause of Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God. What that means is that our doors are open for anyone. All sinners are welcome. We don’t elevate one sin problem over another. All share the same identity: we are sinners. The church is a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints. This is what Jesus modeled in His ministry. He hung out with those who needed healing, not those who were well. We work hard to make sure that everyone feels welcomed so that they have a place to discover spiritual healing and growth. We want to create a safe environment for all to hear God’s truth and allow the Holy Spirit to convict each of us when we miss His mark.

Those who are staying, including me, believe that we can be open to all without compromising God’s Word. We will not dilute the truth. As a bible study teacher, I will uphold God’s view of homosexual behaviors. Our pastor is not afraid to teach that homosexual behaviors are considered sin. But he is also going to be fair and remind the congregation that God considers all forms of sexual immorality as equally sinful.

I lost two couples in my Sunday School class who felt a need to find a new church home. If I apply “What does love require of me,” then I will maintain my friendships with them. I choose to respect their decision based on their convictions. I have no problem with “agreeing to disagree.” For heaven’s sake, Christians have disagreed with one another on many issues! However, we are still the family of God. We need to foster our friendships outside of the church as brothers and sisters in Christ.

However, I recently learned that not everyone shares the same goal. I have a friend who has been a dear sister in Christ for many years. She has been one of my top prayer warriors. I was conducting a bible study in Romans 15 in which Paul states that “the strong should bear with the failings of the weak. We are to accept one another as Christ has accepted us.” I shared what happened within our church as an application. When I shared with her our church’s position and that I was supporting it, she became agitated. She started in with how clear the Bible was that homosexuality was a sin. I reminded her that we all agree that it is sin because God says so in His Word. Where we disagree is on HOW to handle gays who need a safe place to learn God’s Word and give room for the Holy Spirit to do His work. After the bible study was over, she was still unsettled. I assumed that she would land on “let’s agree to disagree” after a good night’s sleep.

Instead, my phone rang within twenty four hours of our bible study. She announced, “I am calling to let you know that I am severing my ties with you. I will no longer be participating in your bible study. I have prayed about this and spoke to two pastors at my church, and they agree that I don’t need to pray any further. I just need to make a decision, so I have.” We talked for about thirty minutes processing her basis behind her decision. I felt penalized for supporting our church’s decision over a hypothetical situation. She couldn’t hear that. When I suggested that her issue with my church’s position was between her and God, not between her and me, she didn’t agree. She made her mind up.

What does love require of me in this situation? I will always love this sister in Christ. She is part of the family of God, and I will continue to pray over her as if the friendship were intact. I want the Lord to bless her in every way possible. I want the best for her. My study in Romans has reminded me that we have the stronger in faith and the weaker in faith. All are at different places in our spiritual journey. We are to bear with one another with unconditional love. My door will remain open if she decides after further prayer that she perhaps overreacted.

I want to encourage you to pray for your church and pastoral staff. We live in challenging times, yet Jesus expects us to reach out to the disenfranchised of our society. I believe the gay community already feels judged by the church. If they can’t find Jesus in our churches because we’ve suggested they don’t belong, then I think we have failed. I can’t help but wonder if Jesus weeps over that. 

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How is your church dealing with this issue? What does love require of you in this situation? Your thoughts are always welcomed. You can click the link “Share Your Comments” below.  

P.S. If you’d like to hear Dr. Haney’s passionate sermon on this topic, here is the link: Dr. Haney’s Sermon Please click the “Headphone Icon” to hear the full sermon.

Blessings,

Lee Ann

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