After I signed the paperwork to admit Tinsley into a memory care facility, I faced a dilemma. Should I tell Tinsley he’s moving to a new community setting or not?

I asked Nancy, the nursing director of Arden Courts, what I should do. She advised that I not tell him, or else I will raise his anxiety and have difficulty getting him there. If you have placed a parent in a facility, you know how HARD this is. If you haven’t, I bet you can imagine how emotionally intense this transition can be. I was uprooting him from his home, which no one wants to experience. The purpose of today’s blog is to show you God’s faithfulness on Tinsley’s moving day.

Since Tinsley and I always ate lunch together after church, I decided that Sunday was the best time to take Tinsley to his new home. On Saturday, I took the packing checklist that Nancy gave me, and put clothes and toiletries together. I packed discreetly. When Tinsley went outside to mill around the house, I’d take advantage by adding clothes to the duffle bag. When he started napping, I’d add more. Once I gathered his belongings, I put them in the trunk of my car. I planned to unpack his clothes in his new room before I headed to church Sunday morning. I didn’t want Tinsley to see any luggage in the car and become alarmed on the day I planned to admit him.

I prayed that the Lord would prepare Tinsley’s heart for this big change. I asked that He would make the path smooth and keep Tinsley in His perfect peace. I asked the Lord to help Tinsley have joy and contentment in his new environment. I didn’t know what to expect, but I asked the Lord to direct every step of the way.

Sunday arrived. I unpacked Tinsley’s clothes and toiletries in his new room before I headed to church. This particular Sunday our church was having a “Party on the Plaza.” Community groups provided food for members and guests of the church between worship services. Tinsley decided he wanted to eat on the plaza right after the 9:45 worship service. I didn’t know this until my friend Ellen, who ate with him before taking him home, texted me. Now I had to trust the Lord to help us make this move. The plan was for me to pick him up for lunch, as I always do. Then we’d drive straight from the deli to his new community.

But what if he didn’t want to go to lunch? I called the marketing director at Arden Courts. I gave her a heads up that Tinsley had already had lunch! She wasn’t concerned. If I needed to admit him after having supper with him, that would be fine. As I drove to Tinsley’s house, I prayed that the Lord would work out this situation. I parked the car in the driveway and went inside. I found Tinsley watching TV.

“Are you ready to go to lunch?” I asked.

“I’ve already eaten,” he replied.

“Well, I haven’t eaten, and I’m hungry. I’m going to grab lunch and I’ll be back,” I said.

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

He offered to keep me company! I texted the marketing director to update her. I let her know I planned to admit him at 1:30. I drove to Russell’s Bakery and ordered a sandwich. While Tinsley watched me eat, I wondered what would happen next. We got in the car. Instead of driving back to the house, I got onto MoPac and headed north.

“Where are we going?” he asked.

“Arden Courts,” I replied.

“Okay,” he said. I drove with amazement. The Lord was protecting Tinsley. I expected him to ask “What is ‘Arden Courts?’” “Why are we going there?” But he didn’t.

As we turned onto Four Iron Drive, the Arden Courts signage appeared. I thought Tinsley would recognize that this is a facility, but he didn’t. It helped that there was nothing indicating it was a memory care facility. It also helped that the community looks more like a home. I turned into the circular drive and parked by the front door. I turned off the engine.

“Can I come in with you?” he asked.

“Of course you can,” I replied.

A couple of staff people showed up to escort us in. Tinsley and I followed a man named Bill who did an intake. He asked Tinsley if he minded sitting in a certain chair that weighs people. He then took Tinsley’s blood pressure. That’s when Tinsley started to become uncomfortable. Tinsley got up from his chair and announced, “I’m not staying here.”

“Tinsley, the professional staff will be evaluating you,” I said. “Dr. Booton expressed deep concern about your safety and your dementia, so you will be here for at least several days.” (I had asked the nursing director for help on what to say to Tinsley when this day came. What do I tell him as to why he is here?)

Tinsley let that sink in. The marketing director led us on a tour of the facility. She showed us the   community room with a large flat screen TV. We noticed the dining room area had an intimate feel to it. It was a smaller room with no more than five tables, two of which seated four people. The other tables seat two. We stepped outside into their courtyard and observed several sitting areas. The landscaper designed an inviting walkway with a soft curving path. Residents could stroll around the perimeter of the building. We noticed occasional trees that lined the walkway that helped create a peaceful environment.

I stayed with Tinsley to have supper with him. And then I spent the rest of the evening hanging out with him. We went to the community room to watch some TV. We observed the other residents and occasionally introduced ourselves. But for most of the evening, he felt like staying in his room. I made sure his toothbrush and toothpaste were sitting on top of the bathroom counter. I showed him how I arranged his closet. Tinsley loves to listen to the radio, so he turned it on while we sat together. He started to get sleepy around 9:30, so I laid out his pajamas and slipped out of his room while he changed clothes. When I came back in, I tucked him into bed, kissed his forehead, and said goodnight. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I left Arden Courts at 9:45. All I could do was thank the Lord for His amazing hand in helping me transition Tinsley to his new home.

Blessings,

Lee Ann

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