Some Christian couples don’t agree on how much to tithe to their church. I occasionally hear from a wife whose heart hurts because she knows she and her husband aren’t enjoying the blessings God promises to those who give a minimum of ten percent. I hear frustration when the wife describes putting in the offering plate an insignificant amount that isn’t close to ten percent of what they make. Or the wife is given an allowance for discretionary spending, and she would rather tithe it to please God than spend it on herself.
I feel their anguish. I would feel miserable if I was short-changing God on the tithe each week. I wish there was a pat answer, but there’s not. The core issue is lack of trust in God’s Word to us. The resistant spouse does not believe in God’s clearly stated promises to those who give. Second, the Holy Spirit ultimately brings about the heart change needed in the resistant spouse. I have discovered a few ideas that you might try while the Spirit does His work.
Randy Alcorn, a Christian pastor and author, offers these suggestions. Let’s assume that both spouses are Christians and that the wife wants to give, and the husband is resistant. Let’s also stick with the Old Testament teaching on tithing to keep it simple, which is ten percent. (The New Testament says we’re to give in proportion to what God gives us. See 2 Cor 8:12-15.) The following Scripture passages contain God’s powerful promises for those who give:
Malachi 3:10 “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”
Luke 6:38 “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
First, Alcorn suggests that couples review these two passages and determine a trial period (three months, six months, or a year) to tithe a minimum of ten percent. They agree to “test God.” At the end of the trial period, they should process the experience. They might ask How did God bless us during this trial period? Did we miss His resources by giving ten percent? How did it feel to obey God and know that we were still able to pay the bills? Would we be open to setting another trial period to make sure this wasn’t coincidence that we’re still OK?
Let’s assume that both spouses generate an income. Tell your husband that obeying God in the area of giving is important to you and that you believe you are missing out on His blessings by not tithing. Ask him if he would honor your need to give out of your income only, while you’re honoring his decision to not tithe on his income. If the wife chooses to work in the home, then she should ask her spouse permission to give something, even if it’s only $50. She can negotiate with him by agreeing to spend less discretionary income as a sacrifice to give to the Lord. She can also choose to tithe all of the allowance.
Alcorn also recommends a process for couples to determine how much to give through prayer. This can be done at the time they build their annual budget. Here are the steps he suggests:
- Establish a prayer period in which each spouse asks God what percentage of their income to tithe (several days, one or two weeks).
- At the end of the prayer period, each spouse records on an index card the percentage they believe God shared with them.
- After reviewing the cards, decide if you’re going to start with the lower percentage or the higher percentage. If the percentage came out the same, then praise God!
This process can be a springboard to increase annual giving until you reach the minimum of ten percent. You can also agree in advance that whatever percentage increase you receive in your salary will be reflected in your tithing.
What if the husband’s resistance is so strong that he won’t budge on giving? Alcorn quotes I Peter 3:1-6, which instructs the wife to be submissive to her husband. You shouldn’t give money that he has forbidden you to give. However, be encouraged because the Lord knows your heart. He knows that you would gladly give ten percent if you could, and God will reward your heart attitude.
Can you add some insights or ideas to help spouses who aren’t being given the freedom to tithe the minimum amount to the church? What can you share that will encourage them?
Blessings, Lee Ann