My church is going through a difficult time. It all started with the Supreme Court’s decision to legalize gay marriage earlier this year. This decision puts Christian churches in an untenable position. Our government says churches cannot discriminate against gay couples who want to get married in the church. Yet asking pastors to marry homosexuals goes against God’s Word. But the issue is larger than “gay marriage.” How should churches respond to the gay community who want to be a part of our family of faith?
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My pastor decided to be proactive. He gathered his pastoral staff and the Church Council to process the implications of the Court’s decision. In early June he presented a hypothetical situation to the leadership team: If a same sex couple came to us and asked us to dedicate their child, how will we respond? They met regularly to study the Bible. They prayed together to seek God’s wisdom. They had robust theological discussions on this topic. Some of you may think this is a no brainer, but this was a tough question to answer.
The leadership team acknowledged that they have dedicated children of single parents. They have dedicated children who were born out of wedlock. Grandparents have asked the church to dedicate their grandchildren. We have never said “no” in these situations. If parents want the church’s support to help them raise their child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we will gladly say yes.
To arrive at the answer, our leaders asked this key question: “What does love require in this situation?” By the end of summer, our leadership reached consensus. They discerned after much prayer that the Holy Spirit was saying, “Yes, we will dedicate the child of same sex parents.” Our pastor shared with the congregation one Scripture passage that they couldn’t ignore. It is in Matthew 18:1-5. The disciples approached Jesus asking Him “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” Jesus called a little child and had him stand among them. Jesus then told them, “Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me and the One who sent me.” Our ministers believed that love requires that we not penalize a child for a situation they don’t control. Love requires that we welcome this child into His church. We will dedicate a child based on the qualifications of the child, not the qualifications of the parents.
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As you can imagine, this created turbulence in our congregation, starting with a worship leader who resigned immediately over this decision. He believed that dedicating a child to same sex parents was giving tacit agreement to their lifestyle. He wasn’t alone.
Some of our members have left the church. They extrapolated this scenario to a larger question, “Would our pastors marry gay couples?” Let me be clear. The answer is a BIG.FAT.NO. Our pastors have no intention of violating God’s truth by marrying a gay couple. But that reassurance wasn’t enough. Some members still left because they believed our church was condoning the gay lifestyle, which is not true. Others left because they feared that our church stepped onto the proverbial slippery slope. If we’ll dedicate children of same sex parents, what will be next?
Our church’s mission statement is to serve the bruised, battered, bored, and the broken of our community and the world. We want to reclaim them, restore them, and help them be reproducers for the cause of Jesus Christ and the Kingdom of God. What that means is that our doors are open for anyone. All sinners are welcome. We don’t elevate one sin problem over another. All share the same identity: we are sinners. The church is a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints. This is what Jesus modeled in His ministry. He hung out with those who needed healing, not those who were well. We work hard to make sure that everyone feels welcomed so that they have a place to discover spiritual healing and growth. We want to create a safe environment for all to hear God’s truth and allow the Holy Spirit to convict each of us when we miss His mark.
Those who are staying, including me, believe that we can be open to all without compromising God’s Word. We will not dilute the truth. As a bible study teacher, I will uphold God’s view of homosexual behaviors. Our pastor is not afraid to teach that homosexual behaviors are considered sin. But he is also going to be fair and remind the congregation that God considers all forms of sexual immorality as equally sinful.
I lost two couples in my Sunday School class who felt a need to find a new church home. If I apply “What does love require of me,” then I will maintain my friendships with them. I choose to respect their decision based on their convictions. I have no problem with “agreeing to disagree.” For heaven’s sake, Christians have disagreed with one another on many issues! However, we are still the family of God. We need to foster our friendships outside of the church as brothers and sisters in Christ.
However, I recently learned that not everyone shares the same goal. I have a friend who has been a dear sister in Christ for many years. She has been one of my top prayer warriors. I was conducting a bible study in Romans 15 in which Paul states that “the strong should bear with the failings of the weak. We are to accept one another as Christ has accepted us.” I shared what happened within our church as an application. When I shared with her our church’s position and that I was supporting it, she became agitated. She started in with how clear the Bible was that homosexuality was a sin. I reminded her that we all agree that it is sin because God says so in His Word. Where we disagree is on HOW to handle gays who need a safe place to learn God’s Word and give room for the Holy Spirit to do His work. After the bible study was over, she was still unsettled. I assumed that she would land on “let’s agree to disagree” after a good night’s sleep.
Instead, my phone rang within twenty four hours of our bible study. She announced, “I am calling to let you know that I am severing my ties with you. I will no longer be participating in your bible study. I have prayed about this and spoke to two pastors at my church, and they agree that I don’t need to pray any further. I just need to make a decision, so I have.” We talked for about thirty minutes processing her basis behind her decision. I felt penalized for supporting our church’s decision over a hypothetical situation. She couldn’t hear that. When I suggested that her issue with my church’s position was between her and God, not between her and me, she didn’t agree. She made her mind up.
What does love require of me in this situation? I will always love this sister in Christ. She is part of the family of God, and I will continue to pray over her as if the friendship were intact. I want the Lord to bless her in every way possible. I want the best for her. My study in Romans has reminded me that we have the stronger in faith and the weaker in faith. All are at different places in our spiritual journey. We are to bear with one another with unconditional love. My door will remain open if she decides after further prayer that she perhaps overreacted.
I want to encourage you to pray for your church and pastoral staff. We live in challenging times, yet Jesus expects us to reach out to the disenfranchised of our society. I believe the gay community already feels judged by the church. If they can’t find Jesus in our churches because we’ve suggested they don’t belong, then I think we have failed. I can’t help but wonder if Jesus weeps over that.
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How is your church dealing with this issue? What does love require of you in this situation? Your thoughts are always welcomed. You can click the link “Share Your Comments” below.
P.S. If you’d like to hear Dr. Haney’s passionate sermon on this topic, here is the link: Dr. Haney’s Sermon Please click the “Headphone Icon” to hear the full sermon.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
The Great Commission requires that we share the Good News. I don’t recall reading that we judge sexual orientation before we share the gospel. We are commanded to love God with all our heart, soul and mind. And love our neighbor as ourself. How can we then exclude any group based on who they love? I agree – Jesus could very well weep over this exclusion of God’s creation.
I appreciate your engagement with this post. I wholeheartedly agree with your understanding of Scripture. Jesus is the head of the church, and I believe He’s called us to reach as many as possible for Christ. That means we have to create a safe place for ALL sinners to hear His saving message.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann,
I think our culture is facing so many issues today that are really making us define who we are in Christ. I understand the heart of Christians on both sides of this issue and the division in your church is certainly a tool the enemy uses to tear God’s people apart. However, I agree with you and I think we are to be as Christ-like as possible, and it’s not always the easiest choice! Christ didn’t turn away the adulteress woman at the well. He saved her from death and then, in love, he told her to go sin no more.
I, like you, see your point and I stand in agreement with you and your church for offering love instead of hate. I think it’s wise for your church to be proactive in their stance so they aren’t shaken when something comes up. However, in their planning to show love and give people a safe place to grow, heal and worship, they need to also consider what boundaries to put into place, so people are encouraged (through love) to go and sin no more. I don’t know what that looks like, because I’m sure it will have to be considered and prayed over carefully. As you also said, it should be treated the same as any other ongoing lifestyle that does not honor God. I’ve heard of a case at another church in Austin where the church opened their arms up to homosexual couples and through Christ’s love, one female couple found salvation, healing. The couple ended their relationship and one of the women found her way into a loving, Christ -led relationship and is now serving in the church. That’s a great testimony and I think that lady would be a great person to start a ministry within the church to help others. That may never have happened if she had been rejected herself.
I think some people are afraid that if their church accepts people in an ongoing open lifestyle of sin, that they will feel as if they are being asked to accept the sin, and maybe possibly at some point have to submit to it, especially if the person or people desire to be in leadership without confronting their own sin. Plus, a lot of people won’t admit that certain lifestyles are a sin, so church members are afraid that the church culture will not deal with it as such. It’s a fine line and so I have compassion for those who pull away and are wrestling with those feelings too. Their heart is to honor God, and maybe they don’t have clarity on What that looks like yet. You are doing the right thing to stand by them, in prayer and friendship, as well. Your love will be an extension of God’s love.
I appreciate you for taking this topic on and covering it so well. You have once again, expressed your thoughts so beautifully and I believe you are hearing from the Lord, so be encouraged. I’m sorry for any rejection you’ve been feeling and I’ll pray God restores those relationships or fills the empty spaces with others who will bless and pray for you.
I will also pray for your church and those hurting who are looking for a place to find the love of Christ.
Dear Laurie:
What a beautiful, thoughtful response you shared! I, too, respect both sides of thinking and believe that those who are leaving believe they are “honoring God.” That’s why “What Does Love Require?” includes respecting their convictions. But it shouldn’t mean severing our bond in Christ! All of us are at different places in our spiritual walk, so we need to be charitable and gracious toward one another.
I agree that we need to have an intentional plan of how we love all sinners in our church. I am old school in that I think we have to earn the right to be heard. So if a gay couple ever decides to join my Sunday School class, I would be very intentional about building a relationship outside of the classroom to learn their story, hear their heart and how Christ and His teachings fit with their lifestyle choice. But they won’t be open to sharing that with me unless they know I love them and won’t judge them. Again, I think it’s each of our responsibility to create an emotionally and spiritually safe environment for all sinners to heal and grow spiritually.
I think you’re right on with the long term concern that Christians may think they are being asked to “accept the gay lifestyle” and/or will be afraid to lovingly tell the truth from God’s Word for fear of offending them. It is a fine line, and I believe our pastors are in a prime position to develop ways to deal with this issue. For example, if a same sex couple did approach us to dedicate their child, our pastors could have a meeting to make sure the couple hears “We love you and will support your spiritual growth and healing, along with supporting your child. However, you need to know that people in our congregation are going to be nervous about this because we believe the Bible is clear that homosexual behaviors are considered sin. Having said that, we are all sinners and yours happens to be more visible. Christ calls us to open our arms to a broken world, and it is in that spirit we are saying “we will dedicate your child and support you as parents in the process.” I’m just thinking out loud with you, Laurie. But I see all kinds of opportunities for teachable moments.
Thank you for such a heartfelt response, Laurie. Love you friend!
I know God loves all his children.
Yes He does! It’s unconditional and nothing can separate us from love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. I love Rom 8:38-39 where Paul gives us this assurance.
I am saddened by the terrible rift this decision has caused among fellow believers in our former church. Maybe it wasn’t handled the best way but I am praying for the pastors and many families affected.
Shari,
I honestly think Dr. Haney was being proactive and did a beautiful job in preaching “What Does Love Require” – knowing full well that some people would leave. I don’t know that he could have handled it any differently. I hope you get a chance to listen to the sermon (I provided the link in my post) so you can listen to it. Many of us believe it was one of the most profound messages Dr. Haney has delivered.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann, you have done a beautiful job of journaling this hard issue in our church. We love you so much for your dedication to God and to his word. I have been pondering how all the promises of God are yes, and, in Jesus, amen (2 Cor. 1:20), and that there’s a promise from the very God who created the universe that we are more than conquerors “in all these things.” We don’t really focus on the conquering power of God in our lives as much as we should, because, my goodness, there’s always something in our lives that needs a little conquering! That includes sexual sin, and whatever else we are tempted to do that is contrary to the ways of God. Just last night, I ate a king size Almond Joy when I absolutely knew it was wrong to do it!! So, when a finger is pointed at someone else’s sin, there are four more pointed back at my own, but I do, deep in my heart, long for honesty among us all, such that we would call it like God sees it, and confess our sins one to another, with the goal of OVERCOMING the strongholds they sometimes become. I sat next to a beautiful young Christian girl on the airplane last week who is gaining two new roommates, a friend and the friend’s boyfriend. While she was a little concerned about the arrangement, she comforted herself that he “is a great Christian guy.” The sexual sin in our culture is so prevalent, and yet, as I see it, hear about it, and long for it not to be so, I’m immediately challenged to clean up messy areas in my own life! I want to pray more fervently for the demolishing of strongholds, though, and I want to be the salt that both flavors a hungry world and preserves the truth of Jesus Christ. Thank you for going, therefore, and teaching, as Jesus commands us to do. These are great days to be sharpening each other as iron sharpens iron, and encouraging each other all the more as we see the day approaching! I love you, Lee Ann!
I love you too, Brenda! Thank you for such an honest response. There are two themes you express that I resonate with: Conquering and Overcoming. I absolutely agree that we fail to focus on the conquering power that God gives us “in ALL things.” It reminds me that “Christ who is in us is greater than he who is in the world.” For those of us sealed by the Holy Spirit, we have much untapped power within us! Why aren’t we leveraging that to conquer sins and move toward holiness?!!
We are also overcomers. I fondly tell others that Jesus is our greatest cheerleader in life. He never leaves or forsakes us. He wants to transform us through the work of the Holy Spirit. “He who began a good work in will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” He’s always working on us. He will chisel away the sins that hinder us, while helping us use the gifts He’s given us to further the kingdom of God. What I hope the church never forgets is that He desires to do this in ALL sinners, which includes you and me. I want people to be compassionate toward me, and the gay community will want that as well as God works on our hearts.
In terms of how we respond in the here and now, you stated what I most believe needs to happen: PRAY more fervently for the demolishing of strongholds, while being salt that flavors a hungry world and preserves the truth. My heart has been stirring over the fact that we need to recognize that Satan has successfully blinded the minds of many people who think the gay lifestyle is not sinful. I consider it spiritual warfare, and we need to be on our knees asking the Lord to release them from this bondage. Of course, we need to pray for other Christians who remain in a disobedient state, for example, Christians who rationalize that they are not sinning by not tithing! Whatever lies have settled into the minds of any Christian that is contrary to God’s truth, we should be PRAYING for them, not casting stones.
Thank you again for taking time to engage this post, Brenda! You and Mike are such a beautiful example of God’s unconditional love toward others without compromising God’s Word.
Love and Hugs,
Lee Ann
I loved your response and am so impressed how you addressed the issue in its entirety. We are a church for everyone.However, we are a Bible based church trying to abide by God’s word and commandments. I am sad for those who disagree.
Thank you so much, Patrice! It seems like every Christian church should be able to be open to all sinners AND not compromise God’s Word in the process. Those two things should not be mutually exclusive. I am sad that we have seen a few leave because of this message, which is still a hypothetical at this point!
Blessings,
Lee Ann
I question anyone suggesting in this day and age with a declining Christian population to turn away any adult or child from having the opportunity to experience necessary Christian rituals. This does appear to be the entry level step required for Christian membership. Becoming a Christian in my senior years of life and never having been baptised myself, I felt like I had not done the required steps to fulfill my Christian life’s responsibilities. I was not baptised in my youth or babyhood due to the religion I was born in did not baptise until a son/daughter was of age 18 years or more making a decision that they were going to accept this religions beliefs and practice the acceptable life style. My Christian life would have already been promised and I would have known all my life at least I had been baptised and what that meant. I have heard many people state they were baptised but did not go to church but it appeared they were proud of the fact they at least had been baptised into the basic religion of America. In some sense it’s what brings us together as a group of many Americans who share a concept of being a Christian as being the American way that we share. Becoming a Christian is so important to the direction our democracy in the population we want to work and live with. Americans lifestyles are developed into laws that are based on Christian values. I really can not believe any organized church has so many Christians coming to there doors that they can really pick and choose who they want their Christians to be like, look like, think like, sins of the father cleaned and cleared. Is there really any room to not let any one person not have the right to start their Christian life? Is that really the example we want to share in our country or do I really want to pick and choose who gets to start on their Christian journey?
I so appreciate your thoughts, Donilee. I agree with you that any adult or child should have the opportunity to experience the family of God who would either dedicate them, or at a later time, baptize them. What a great question you left all of us to ponder at the end of your comments! Thank you!
Blessings,
Lee Ann