Wednesday, April 8th, 4:30 pm, the charge nurse at Dad’s care facility called to inform me that Dad was having difficulty breathing, and they had called an ambulance. I wasn’t alarmed. Dad might be having an allergic reaction to medication, which could be easily treated. He’s been taken by ambulance in the past for chest pain and was quickly stabilized. The doctors diagnosed and treated him for atrial fibrillation, discharging him with a prescription to regulate his heart rate.
I felt confident the doctors would evaluate him now and help him breathe easier and decided to go ahead with my scheduled oil change at 5:00 pm. Within five minutes, while the car was up on the rack with no oil in it, the ER physician called me.
“Miss Penick, I am Dr. Li. I’m caring for your father in the ER and need to confirm that your Dad’s “Do Not Resuscitate” (DNR) directive is still active,” he said.
“Absolutely,” I replied.
“Your father is experiencing severe respiratory distress. When we follow DNRs, we typically don’t intubate a patient. In the meantime, we will do everything possible to keep him comfortable, but I consider this an end-of-life situation.”
Dad might be dying, and my car was sitting on top of a rack. I called my brother Gene to alert him of Dad’s predicament and got his voicemail. The oil change was about done when Dr. Li called me a second time at 5:30 pm.
“Miss Penick, are you okay with us inserting a central line for your father?” he asked.
“I have no idea what a central line is! Is this something that sustains him, or comforts him?” I asked.
“A central line is basically an IV in the neck, and I think it would help regulate his blood pressure, which should make him more comfortable,” he said.
“If it keeps him more comfortable, then by all means do it,” I said. “The main thing is that he does NOT want procedures that artificially sustain him.” I called Gene and left another message with the latest update.
The car was ready, so I took off into traffic that was barely moving. Rush hour. It took me 45 minutes just to get to the toll roads where I could go 80 mph and bypass most of I-35, which is always congested. As I began my trek to the hospital, my phone rang again at 6:30 pm. This time it was Dr. Patel, another attending ER physician.
“Are you on your way?” he asked.
“I am trying to get there as fast as I can,” I replied. I explained that I was stuck at a service station waiting on my oil change and then was delayed by traffic. “I live in far north Austin and the hospital is fifty minutes from here using the toll roads.”
“I need to tell you that your Dad does not look good, and it is my recommendation that we let him go.”
“What exactly does that mean?” I inquired.
“We are using a bi-pap machine to help him get more oxygen. Once we remove the mask from his nose and mouth, he will have to breathe on his own. He may go in a few minutes, or it may be a few hours.”
“My Dad is more than ready to go. I affirm your recommendation and hope I get to see him before he dies.” I thanked him for the clarification and told him that I was on the road and would get there as soon as possible. I left a third message for Gene to let him know what the doctor recommended and my support of it.
I finally got to the hospital around 7:15 pm and rushed in to find my father. A male nurse led me to an open room that was divided into three sections by thin curtains. I found him with the bi-pap mask still assisting him with oxygen while gasping for each breath.
“Can my Dad hear me?” I asked.
“He can. His level of consciousness is reduced, but his eyes met our eyes when we asked him a couple of questions, so he is aware of what’s going on.”
I stood by his gurney and told him I was here. His eyes tried to move toward me. For the next fifteen minutes, I held his hand while giving him words of encouragement, interspersed with kisses on the cheek. I assured him that I was here to stay and would not leave his side.
The nurse explained three different numbers they were watching on Dad’s monitor: blood pressure, pulse rate, and respiratory rate. The key metric was the respiratory rate, which was the bottom number on the monitor. It reveals the number of breaths taken per minute. While his oxygen mask was on, he was taking approximately 75 breaths a minute.
Since the nurse knew Dad was dying, he offered to move Dad into a real room where we could close the door and have privacy. That was 7:30 pm. He suggested that we turn the bathroom light on and leave its door open and turn the room light off to create a more dimmed, peaceful environment. Before he stepped out of the room, he silenced as many alarms on the monitor that he could and removed Dad’s mask. As I watched the monitor, his number of breaths trended downward. It dropped from 75 to 60 within minutes of the oxygen mask being removed.
Since I didn’t know if I had five minutes or three hours, I started loving on him. I poured words of affirmation into his heart. I told him to be prepared to hear from the Lord, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” I affirmed his gift of intercession and how I coveted the daily prayers he said for me over all of these years. I shared that God used him as my greatest influence in helping me find salvation in Christ. I applauded his faith. He never blamed God for the many difficult life circumstances he endured. I reminded him regularly how much I loved him. I promised to take care of Gene and that we were going to be okay. I assured him that he had my blessing to go.
I felt led to start praying over him. This is what Dad modeled for me over the years. It didn’t matter if we were on the phone, or face to face. If he heard a need or a request, he would stop our conversation and say, “Let me pray with you right now while we’re talking about it.” It was my privilege to minister to him through prayer. I prayed for the “peace that surpasses all human understanding” to fill his heart, mind, soul, and spirit. I asked the Lord to grant Dad’s wish to take him home. I thanked God for blessing me with a godly father whose life was an example of great faith.
Before I knew it, twenty minutes had elapsed. I looked at the monitor, and Dad’s respiratory rate had dropped significantly to the low 30s. I knew that Dad wasn’t going to last much longer. I believed it was important for him to know his children were with him. I told Dad that I was going to call Gene and try to get him on the speaker phone so that he could hear his son’s voice. I tried Gene one more time, and he answered.
“Gene, have you had a chance to listen to my voicemail messages?” I asked.
“No, I just got home from a long day at work,” he said.
“I am at the hospital with Dad, and I need you to listen to my messages and then call me back so I can put you on the speaker phone and let you talk to Dad.”
“What’s going on?!” he asked. I knew Dad could hear, so I scrambled for words that didn’t sound so morbid. “His health is failing. I really need you to listen to your recorder and then call me right back.”
“Can you step out of his room and fill me in?” he asked.
“Gene, I can’t. I’m not leaving his side. Please call me back after you listen to your answering machine.” Gene agreed to call me back.
My phone rang at 8:00 pm, and Gene was ready to speak to Dad. I put him on the speaker phone and turned up the volume so that Dad had every opportunity to hear Gene’s voice one last time. Gene took a few minutes to share how much he loved him and how much Dad meant to him. I thanked Gene for talking to Dad and told him I would call him later. Feeling relieved, I looked at the monitor and his respiratory rate was in the 20s. Dad was cold and clammy from the lack of oxygen, and the color was gone from his face.
I decided to sing hymns to my Dad, but discovered that I only knew the first verses of most of them, and that was it! So I took advantage of the iPhone and Googled “popular hymns” and pulled up some of Dad’s favorites. I sang through Amazing Grace, Great is Thy Faithfulness, and How Great Thou Art. I looked at Dad’s respiratory rate on the monitor, and here’s what I saw:
The military time stamp showed 8:19 pm. Dad was about to slip into the arms of Jesus. I pulled up When I Survey the Wondrous Cross and sang it to him. While struggling with tears off and on throughout the hymn, I felt strengthened on the last verse:
“Were the whole realm of nature mine that were an offering far too small; love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, m-y-y ALL.”
As soon as I landed on “my life, my all,” I looked at the monitor:
He entered into his heavenly home at 8:22 pm. Dad, you gave your life, your all, to the Lord. I couldn’t be more proud to call you my father. I love you.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann that was beautiful!!! Thank you for sharing with us!!! I love you and am praying for you!!! What a blessing to know you Dad is in Jesus arms!!!!
Bless you, Beth! There were so many grace gifts that the Lord gave to both Dad and me that I couldn’t hold it back!! The first gift was realizing that Dr. Patel waited until I got to the hospital before they took off his bi-pap mask. Thank you for being such a faithful reader of my blog. I sure miss you in our class!!
Love and Hugs,
Lee Ann
That was beautiful. I’m so glad you could be with him and provide comfort.
Thanks, Tinka. The whole evening felt orchestrated by the Lord’s hand.
Love and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Bless you Lee Ann! I have been privileged to attend both births and deaths in my career, and the death of my own dad. Both are holy times. If we let God in, both times are peaceful and so rare for us as humans. I am so glad you got to your dad’s side!
You are so right, Debbie! It is such a divine privilege to get to be with your loved one as they cross over for eternity. I definitely believe that the Lord made sure I got there because Dad didn’t deserve to be alone when he died. I will be forever grateful that the Lord kept him alive to allow me to spend that time.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
God Bless you my friend. Having just gone through this myself with my mother, I know how hard it is to be strong for those that were so strong for us. You did your father a beautiful service by being there and showing him just what a wonderful father he was to bring up loving and caring children. I know he’s watching you from above, proud of all the grace, strength and love that you share with those around you. May you continue to honor him with your beautiful spirit.
Love!
Dana
Dana,
I know you know how hard it can be! I am so sorry about the loss of your Mother. I love the thought of Dad watching from above. He said so many times to me and Gene how “proud” he was of both of us. He was a broken record when it came to telling us that, so just reading it in your comments strikes a chord with me. Thank you for always encouraging and supporting me, Dana. You have a beautiful spirit as well.
Love and Hugs,
Lee Ann
While reading the story of the ‘last hour’ with your dad, I felt I was almost there watching & listening. And, I remembered my own blessing of being with my mom as she passed. So many emotions with so many memories intertwined. Thank you for sharing your beautifully worded post. Love, Scarlett
Dear Scarlett,
Isn’t it truly a grace gift from the Lord to be able to be with your loved one when they pass? I’m sure you were a blessing to your Mother as you stayed by her side to care for her in her last hours. And I certainly resonate with you on the “many emotions and many memories” that occur in such a short timeframe. I’m not even close to processing all of this, but I will never forget it, and I thank the Lord for allowing me to be there for my Dad as he so deserved.
Love you, friend!
Lee Ann
Wow, what an amazing story! I have tears streaming down my face! Thanks for sharing that! Your dad must have felt so blessed to have you at his side praying and singing to him. Your brother’s voice over the phone probably brought him peace before she slipped away. He went knowing how deeply his kids loved him! God is good! Wow!!
Thank you, Laurie. It was one of the most sacred hours I’ve ever spent. I do think Dad hearing Gene’s voice through the phone gave him freedom to let go and go home. He passed away 12 minutes after he heard his voice. God is so good!
Love and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Thank you for sharing! It’s wonderful that God orchestrated the timing for you to be get there in time to pour out your heart and share with him while he could understand what you & then Gene were saying to him and to bring him peace and comfort in a beautiful send-off. As I read it, and you were sharing the things you told your dad and the songs you sang, I felt like you were lifting your dad up into your arms, holding him close to your heart, and then lifting him up into Jesus’ arms. Beautiful!
What a beautiful word picture, Debbie! I am going to embrace that because it is so comforting to me! It almost felt like a private worship service, but given that the Lord was preparing to take him home, the picture of lifting Dad up to put him into the arms of Jesus is just so sweet. Thank you for sharing this with me.
Blessings and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann thank you for sharing this most personal time. He is at peace.
He truly is at peace, Linda, and reunited with his loved ones. I couldn’t be happier for him.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Thank you for your openness as you shared this beautiful glimpse of love with us! Bless you and your family
You’re most welcome, Catherine. Blessings to you and your family as well!
Blessings and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Oh Lee Ann, that was so beautiful! Thanks so much for sharing those touching, lasting memories that you made with your Dad, my Uncle Harry, the last hour of his life. I know he felt your loving presence, Gene’s presence via phone, and the love and presence of the Lord during his last moments on this Earth. May you find continued comfort in knowing that, as well as the grace and peace that comes with knowing that he is now with our Lord and Savior up in heaven. He feels no pain now, only joy, understanding, and peace. Many blessings to you sweet cousin. In love, Evelyn
Dear Evie:
Thank you so much for your words of comfort and the truth you speak. Please know how much I love your heart, your sweet spirit, and your love for the Lord. Our God is a merciful God who gives His grace abundantly, and Wednesday, April 8th was no exception.
Love and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Thanks for your kind words Lee Ann. You are truly a very special person.
So are you, Evie!
Love,
Lee Ann
That was so good! It really was so beautiful. You will be so glad you jotted all this down for your own memories some day as well. No details can be forgotten.. . . . What a privilege to have the final moments with your Dad shared in this blog! Not everyone gets this gift your Dad was given. This is so special for all involved. What a blessing! Can you be by my side when I die? If so, I’d sign you up! Thanks for being such a great influencer and worker for Jesus! So glad you are in my circle of friends!
Nicki, I am so glad to have you in my circle of friends as well! It really was a privilege that only the Lord could orchestrate all the details so that I could be there. I marvel at the fact that I would normally have been in Kansas that week, but altered my schedule to get closer to the first week of the even months as possible. So I happened to be in Kansas the week before, and don’t you know the Lord knew when He was calling Dad home?! I do get that not everyone gets this grace gift to be with their loved one until the end, but the gift for me was closure and being able to love on him, and his gift was to receive that love and not be alone when he died. It was such a sacred time for both of us.
I also appreciate your kind words of my ministry to others, Nicki. I can only thank God that He thinks He can use me for His purposes!
Love and Hugs,
Lee Ann
You have found the blessings in this loss, and we have been blessed, by you, for sharing this beautiful story.
Thank you, Martha, for sharing your thoughts as well. You are such a precious sister in Christ.
Blessings and Hugs,
Lee Ann
What a wonderful story. So glad you had the opportunity to provide this wonderful comfort to your father.
Thank you, Jeff. I just thank God that He allowed me to spend that last hour with Dad before He called him home.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Thank you for sharing your love of your dad….he was an amazing man who had a huge heart for the Father and for others. I knew Harry from the early Hope Chapel days, sharing his passion for the Russians….introduced to the Russian woman Lydia, and he blessed our first born son, who is now in heaven, with his first Bible. What a grand legacy.
Thank you so much, Vergie. The Lord definitely laid a burden on Dad’s heart for the persecuted church, especially in Russia. He went to great lengths to support any Russian Christians he knew. He truly was an amazing man who purposely flew well below the radar without any expectation of accolades. He knew he was doing it for the Lord because that was the calling he was given, and that was all that mattered.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann, thank you for sharing your story. Your dad was a warm and gentle man, and blessed my wife and me during our years at Hope Chapel. So glad to know you loved him gently into the arms ofJesus. Praying every blessing for you and Gene. He loved you both, and spoke of you often.
Thank you so much, Danny. As I have shared with others, I truly believe the Lord orchestrated the timing and helping me get to the hospital before the doctor ordered that the bi-pap mask be removed, etc, so I could minister to my Dad through words of affirmation, prayer, and song. It was as if we were allowed to have our own private worship service. It was awesome, and I will cherish that memory while looking forward to seeing him again.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Thank you for sharing. Yesterday 4/24, would have been my lovely mother’s birthday. She also lived a Christ-like life and was always so humble, giving, and an inspiration to prayer. Peace be granted to your dad and some day they (our parents) will be waiting for us with open arms. God Bless!
Thank you for your words of encouragement, Rita. I love the idea that there will be a group of people with Jesus waiting to greet me at the gate, including my parents!
Blessings and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Oh, Lee Ann! This just touches my heart more than I can express. I’ve not yet been able to be with any of my loved ones when they passed, but if I ever have that opportunity, I pray that it’s as amazing an experience as you had with your Dad. I’ll make sure to keep my iPhone handy so I can Google some hymns! Your Dad sounds like he was an amazing man, a blessing to many; and now you are a blessing to many.
Love,
Peggy
Dear Peggy:
I just love your tender heart. My Mother and Aunt were saying the same thing at dinner this week. Both of their parents died suddenly, and they neither one got to be with them. They wanted to be there for their parents, and I could tell there was some heartache about that. I realize it’s not realistic to think we can all be there for our loved ones when they die, but I can say if the Lord grants you the opportunity, it’s an amazing, precious time to be with them. In fact, I will pray that the Lord allow you to be with loved ones as they enter into the heaven.
I had to laugh when you mentioned my iPhone and looking up hymns! For someone who grew up with hymns, I was embarrassed that I couldn’t get past the first verse on most of them! This was one occasion where today’s technology was quite an advantage.
My Dad was a very special godly man indeed! I will be sharing more of his spiritual legacy in the future to honor him.
Love and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Wow, how strong you were and blessed to be able to share his last moments. I love the picture of you with him. Both with great smiles. God was so sweet to take him home in a mighty way.
Thanks, Ro. That picture was taken at the nursing home Christmas party last year. God blessed me with a spiritually strong father, and He allowed me to bless my Dad by being present with him and spending that last hour with him.
Blessings and Hugs,
Lee Ann
My friend, Judy Banz, calls that very special time spent with those we love “Holy ground”. What an honor and privilege to be there as the Lord ushers them straight into his loving presence. You will always cherish that time. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you, Deonne. I have heard it as “holy ground” as well, and it sure felt that way. God’s presence and His peace were unmistakable as I spent my last hour with Dad. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. They are always appreciated.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann,
Thank you for sharing these private moments with the rest of us; your words were so poignant. Harry was a dear, amazing Christian man, and I feel so privileged to have known him. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus these last few years and selflessly ministering to your dad until the very end. I love that you were willing to relocate to Texas to be closer at a time as his need for family grew stronger and stronger. He loved and appreciated both you and Gene so very much!
Because He lives,
Holly
Thank you so much, Holly. Dad was an amazing Christian man for sure, and he served the Lord selflessly and tirelessly. Holly, he thought the world of you! He was so appreciative of your willingness to be a part of the Unto the Least of These Ministry that he started. He loved serving with you. My move back to Texas was such a God thing! The handwriting was on the wall that Dad would need more care. So I had put the move to Texas in prayer motion three years before the Lord actually opened the door for me to move back to Austin in September 2009. That is a testimony unto its self! I so appreciate your thoughts and kind words, Holly. May the Lord bless you and keep you.
Blessings and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann, I am so sorry to hear about your father. I, too, lost my dad in March this year. It’s very hard and I know what you are going through. I am so glad you were able to be with him. After the phone call from the hospital about my dad’s condition, he died within 5 minutes, so we weren’t able to even get there in time. That made it much worse on us. Wishing you peace, Nancy Volkmann
Thank you, Nancy. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your father as well, and I can only imagine the pain of not being able to be his side before he died. I totally believe that by God’s grace, I was able to spend that last hour with Dad. I also believe that the Dad’s bi-pap mask was left on intentionally until I could get to the hospital, or else Dad could have easily passed away before I got there as well.
May you know the Lord’s deep, abiding peace as you grieve the loss of your father,
Lee Ann
I can’t imagine a more splendid way to die than while hearing a beloved child singing hymns! Well done, faithful servant. The picture of the 2 of you is priceless. Your dad looks full of the Lord’s love, and I know he passed that love on to you and now we’re blessed by it. p
Thank you, Peggy. Dad was a Spirit-filled man who loved the Lord, and you can see that in his face!
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Beautiful! I appreciate so much your open and candid sharing of the journey you have made with your dad over the past several years, all the way up to this last hour of ushering him into the Holy presence of Jesus. My parents are still in fairly good health, but what treasures of experience and wisdom you have given me as I enter this time with aging parents. Thank you, Lee Ann! I’m sending this with much love and my prayers as your continue this next phase of the journey.
Bless you, Annette! May your journey to serve your parents in their time of need bless you as much as I know you will bless them!
Blessings and Hugs,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann, I’ve read this several times, yet never have I cried as your words seem so uplifting to me. I believe you and your father are so blessed with God’s love and your faith in prayer, that even in death there is beauty. You were so fortunate to be at his side.
Thank you for your kind words, Letty. There really is a beauty to death when you know a loved one is discarding his physical suit while his spirit goes directly to heaven. It feels like holy ground at the time it’s happening. I totally agree with you that I was fortunate/blessed that the Lord would see to it that I could even be there to support my Dad. I can’t thank God enough!
Blessings,
Lee Ann