Hypothetically, if a same-sex couple came to our church and asked us to dedicate their child, how should we answer? Our pastor posed this question to our staff and leadership after the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in the Spring of 2015. He wanted to be proactive. Our leadership struggled with this question all summer. They engaged prayer, bible studies, and heartfelt dialogue as they processed this challenging issue. They struggled with this key question: “What does love require?” By the end of the summer, the majority of our leadership team felt the Lord leading them to say “yes, we will dedicate a child of same-sex parents.” They couldn’t get past Jesus’s words, “Let the children come to me.” But to be clear, NO ONE on our staff was affirming the gay lifestyle by saying “yes” to the child!
Our pastor decided to be open with our congregation on this issue and delivered a powerful sermon over Labor Day weekend. We lost key members of our congregation over the issue, including staff. We lost a beloved worship leader, who believed that standing on the stage with same-sex parents would be a form of condoning the gay lifestyle. He worried that it would damage his Christian testimony and resigned. Our Stewardship pastor resigned as well in addition to families who had been longtime members of our church.
Why am I revisiting this topic? Because I experienced the loss of a dear sister in Christ – one of my prayer warriors – over the leadership’s decision. But the Spirit of God has been working mightily in this situation, and I want to share with you how God moved through the power of prayer to reunite us.
I shared our leadership’s decision during a Bible study when my dear friend became unsettled (see my previous post here: http://wp.me/p3LmrK-uR). She couldn’t believe our church thought it was okay to dedicate a child to same-sex parents. More importantly, she couldn’t believe I stood with my pastor. I tried to reason with her. I asked, “What is your church’s plan to evangelize people who are living a gay lifestyle? How will that happen if you tell them they and their child are not welcome there? Isn’t the church supposed to be a ‘hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints?’
At the time, she couldn’t deal with my questions. Within twenty-four hours of our bible study, she called me to “sever our friendship.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I told her that I was not asking her to agree with the stance of our church and reminded her that Christians disagree on plenty of issues, but we don’t truncate relationships because we disagree. After twenty minutes of conversation, it was obvious that my friend had made up her mind, and the friendship was over.
At the time my friend ended our relationship, I was driving back to Texas from Kansas. As I processed her decision, I realized she had made the decision hastily. It felt irrational. She called me in less than twenty-four hours to tell me she had prayed about it and talked to her pastors the morning following our study. But her decision was not bathed in prayer for any significant time before the Lord. As we had been prayer partners for a good while, I knew she had a tender heart for the Lord. If the Spirit wanted her to restore our friendship, she would listen to His voice. So instead of being mad at her, I continued to pray for her and chose to bring this broken relationship to God on a daily basis.
Here’s what I prayed:
- Lord, please pour out blessings upon blessings to my dear sister in Christ.
- I pray that she will HEAR YOUR VOICE and that the Spirit will soften her heart to restore this friendship.
On Sunday, June 5th, as God would have it, I was making my nine-hour drive once again back to Kansas, when at 6:00pm my cellphone rang. It was my friend! I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I had to let it roll to voicemail. I immediately listened to it, and was delighted to hear that she wanted a chance to talk and would I please call her back. After I gathered myself, I returned her call.
“I wasn’t sure you would even talk to me,” she said. “I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I miss you. You are my sister in Christ, and I want to apologize for how I handled things. I still disagree with your church’s decision, and that won’t change. But please know that I care about you.”
“I am thrilled to hear your voice!” I said joyfully. “And I accept your apology. I also have no problem with you disagreeing with our leadership on this issue.”
This one exchange allowed us to reconnect and restore our friendship. I told her that I never stopped praying for her. Since we had gone eight months without contact, we were able to update the prayer requests we had going for one another and add new ones. We agreed to make contact once a month to share how God was moving in our petitions. It was like old times. Our interaction was comfortable. It was as if the friendship had been intact all along.
This restored relationship speaks to the power of prayer. God worked mightily in this situation and brought a happy ending. All I can do is praise Him and thank Him! I am thankful for my sister in Christ and her willingness to continue our friendship and our prayer partnership. Glory to God!
The Lord knows how to heal any relationship. I encourage you to keep praying for the relationships that are important to you. You may not think He’s at work or even cares about your desire for a restored relationship, but He does.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Thanks. This was like a golf eagle ( I believe that is a hole in one) to me. Your testimony inspires fervent prayer. Blessings.
Thanks, Alanda. I hope you’re doing well!
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann,
As a member of a local PCUSA church, when the general session voted by a 2 vote majority to ordain gay people I had to really go to prayer. The general session left the decision to ordain gays to each local church. Our church entered a season of prayer and scheduled 5 meetings led by trained facilitators to discuss this very serious issue. I attended 4/5 meetings. It was a maturing and convicting experience. I found that our community had members across the spectrum from those who saw ordination of gays was long over due to those who wept as they read scripture from Saint Paul as to why the gay lifestyle is sin. It was gut wrenching as some have gay family members and so argued from emotion, one even questioning why anyone would listen to “an old man who wrote 2000 years age”. That person wanted our church family to do a 2 year study on human sexuality because those against gay ordination were obviously ignorant and needed education.
In the end our local church session decided it would not ordain gays. This issue split our community as it has so many Christian churches. We must pray for wisdom, mercy, truth to be spoken in love. I feel your pain as so many of us have family or friends who are part of the LGBT perspective. Our culture is very similar to the culture our Lord spoke to during His incarnation on earth.
Dear LKS,
I so appreciate that your church gathered to spend time in prayer and bible study as our church did throughout the summer of 2015. It is gut-wrenching! I remember teaching a SS lesson last year that brought up the issue of loving sinners, including those of the LGBT community. A lady asked me, “Do you believe that a person is born gay?” I shared my training as a professional counselor that revealed that there was no empirical evidence for that. That caused a woman in my class to break out in tears. Her grandson is gay (age 16) and “he doesn’t believe he ‘chose’ his attraction, and he doesn’t believe he can change.” She understandably defended her grandson because she sees his pain and struggle with this.
In the end, I believe the church needs to keep their doors open to ALL sinners. We need to quit all of the labels and focus on how we share the gospel and the LOVE of God to all sinners and let the Holy Spirit do the work.
P.S. Our staff has local autonomy to make the decision as to whether they will marry same-sex couples, and the answer is no because we believe the Bible teaches that this lifestyle is considered sin by God.
Blessings,
Lee Ann
That’s awesome!! I remember you telling us about that situation and how sad you were about loss.
I was very sad because she has been a dear sister in Christ for years! God is SO GOOD!
Blessings,
Lee Ann
Lee Ann,
Girl! You have some sticky blogs! Whew!
Thought provoking! Heart wrenching! Thumping! And searching! It is not the precious babies fault! The baby should be dedicated no matter who the parents are!
We are not to judge! There is only one Who will judge us. I am so glad that you have your friend and prayer partner back.
Have fun in Sante Fe!
Love you!!
Hi, Jana!
They are “sticky” because the issues I run into are “sticky!” I totally agree with you and our pastoral leadership: we shouldn’t penalize the child by not dedicating him/her just because the parents chose a lifestyle contrary to God’s Word. The way our pastor put it in his powerful Labor Day sermon was “We will dedicate the child based on the CHILD’S qualifications, not the parents!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to share my post and engage the conversation! Love you bunches!
Hugs,
Lee Ann