How long do you watch your parent suffer progressive memory loss before intervening and scheduling an exam? We all know that forgetfulness is part of aging, but where’s the line between normal memory loss due to aging and something more serious?

My Mother’s memory has been deteriorating for the last several years. At first, Mother laughed off memory lapses as “senior moments.” Fair enough. She deserved the benefit of the doubt! If I had suggested she see a physician to have her memory tested, she probably would have resisted. But she’s at a different stage this year causing our family concern. She forgets often and is easily confused and continues to lose weight due to loss of appetite. This last symptom concerns me because she will get weaker, preventing her from being active. I know I need to get her to a doctor, but I was in unchartered territory with a lot of questions:

1) How do I honor my mother’s right to make her own healthcare decisions while setting up an appointment she may not think she needs?

2) Will she welcome my help, or consider it overstepping?

3) Will Mother misinterpret my intentions as I help her get the care she needs?

As I struggled with these questions, I came upon a devotional in Jesus Calling that melted them away: “Entrust your loved ones to me; release them into my protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands…When you release loved ones to Me, you are free to cling to My hand. As you entrust others into My care, I am free to shower blessings on them. My Presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest. This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me. Watch to see what I will do.”

I needed to hear this. It’s too easy for me to be an acting administrator and manage pill organizers, doctor appointments, and check up on her. When I’m in this role, I tend to detach from my feelings so I can be an effective helper. But I want to change that. If I entrust her to Jesus knowing she is much safer in His hands, then I feel permission to remain in my role as her daughter. I can give her more emotional support, allowing the administrator role to become secondary. So how did the Lord help me figure out when to take action on Mother’s memory lapses and weight loss?

My Mother contracted pneumonia this summer, requiring a trip to her doctor. She’s rarely sick! The Lord opened a window of opportunity to express my concerns to her medical professional. I trusted him to assess whether her memory loss was significant enough to require further evaluation. He agreed that her memory deficits and her related weight loss needed attention. He sent her to a neurologist, and she is undergoing key diagnostic tests. Mother has been gracious in this process. Her sweet, charming personality continues to shine along with her sense of humor. I am relaxing and placing my trust in Jesus. I am watching to see what He does.

How long should we wait before we intervene to care for our parents? The Lord will show us when it’s time!

Have you faced this situation? How did the Lord reveal when it was time to have your parent evaluated, even if they perceived it wasn’t necessary?

Blessings,

Lee Ann

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