Many of you read my June posts in which I shared the high points of Donilee’s story ending with her acceptance of Christ. Since I wrote my last post, Donilee has shared more of her story, which I am in turn sharing here. I want you to appreciate the significance of her adoption by our perfect Father in heaven. All she ever wanted was her family’s acceptance, and all she ever received was their rejection. Having asked to be adopted as His child and then receiving His unconditional love and acceptance was monumental.  

Photo Courtesy of ©IStockphoto.com/annedehaas

   Donilee grew up on a farm in an Old Order Amish family. She learned quickly to not question the Amish rules. When she asked her parents why they lived a certain way, they considered it an insult and shunned her, thinking that she would repent. But she didn’t know what it meant to repent, so her parents didn’t see any change in her thinking. When she observed people driving cars, she asked whether they were “riding buggies on purpose.” Her parents told her to stop asking questions. 

   Donilee recognized her family was mentally ill. After enduring sexual abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse, her deepest desire was to leave both the farm and Indiana. She accomplished this at age 17 with the help of her grandmother who helped her enlist in the Navy. Donilee left behind her parents, two younger brothers, and her sister, Melissa, who was fourteen years younger than her. She never wanted to see them again, even though she still longed for their acceptance. 

   Donilee spent the next fifteen years in South Carolina finishing her college education and teaching school without allowing anyone in her family to know where she lived. She chose to live without a phone so her family couldn’t reach her. She was afraid of them. She thought they might try to find her and hurt her in some way. One day the State Police knocked on her door.  

   “You have to return home,” the police said after she opened the door.

   “Home?? Where is home?” Donilee asked incredulously.

   “There has been a death in your family. Your family needs you to come home for the funeral,” they answered.

   The State Trooper couldn’t tell her who died, but Donilee assumed it was her ailing mother. Donilee was perplexed by her family’s desire to notify her. After fifteen years of no contact, why would her family, who rejected her, work so hard to find her? 

   Donilee packed her bags and headed to Indiana for the funeral. When she arrived at her parents’ home, she found them surrounded by extended family members. Her parents didn’t recognize her. Donilee felt embarrassed because she knew many of the family members in the room, but they had no idea who she was. Awkwardness filled the room. Francis, a family friend, broke the silence.

   “LoisAnn, isn’t that your daughter Donilee?” Francis asked.

   “Really? Is that her?” her Mother responded.

   LoisAnn looked puzzled and dismayed. She didn’t attempt to stand up or to greet her. Instead, she stared at Donilee and went back to her conversation. Donilee realized for the first time that she didn’t exist to her family anymore.

   Donilee left the house and went across the field to stay with her grandmother, Margaret, who shared the news that Melissa had died in a car accident. 

   “Where did the accident happen?” Donilee asked.

   “Melissa’s town friend was driving too fast on a back gravel road. She got to the “S” curve in front of the farmhouse with the two large trees and lost control,” Margaret said, pointing to the spot. “The car didn’t have seatbelts, so when she hit the tree, she flew into it head first. Her long hair is still caught in the bark of the tree. I need your help in removing it.”

   Donilee did the morbid task that Margaret asked her to do. While she was removing the hair from the bark, it occurred to her that Melissa was like her, sneaking out to meet her town friends behind her parents’ back. She had milking chores to do and had to be back at the farm by 3:30, or she would have been in trouble. She was probably running late when the accident occurred. Donilee finished her task, setting Melissa’s hair on a napkin, leaving Margaret to decide whether or not to preserve it.

   Donilee returned to her parents’ house the next morning. Her parents called her into the kitchen. Melissa’s death triggered a review of the family trust. When Melissa died, her portion of the trust could be distributed to the parents. Because Donilee was listed in the trust and her parents wanted her out of it, they requested her signature to remove her. Donilee now understood the real reason her parents sent the state police after her. Her parents believed that Donilee didn’t deserve her share. Donilee could not say no to her parents. She believed if she signed these papers, they would finally accept her. So she did. She was willing to do anything to gain their acceptance. 

   Melissa’s burial service was later that day. Many family members and friends gathered at the farm with food to share. Donilee watched her mother in the throes of grief as she wept and wailed uncontrollably. She heard her mother cry repeatedly, “It shouldn’t have been Melissa.” Donilee’s grief was different. She didn’t understand how her mother could miss her sister so much, considering how little her mother cared for her. 

   It was time to head out for the burial service. The burial site was on the church property close to their house. As family members walked up the hill from the farm to bury Melissa, Donilee overheard two cousins trying to identify her.

   “Who is she?” the first one quietly asked.

   “That’s Melissa’s sister – the other sister,” whispered the second cousin.

   “What sister??” 

   “That’s the older sister.” 

   “I didn’t know there was an older sister.” 

   Donilee felt deep sadness. She realized that no one thought or talked about her among her family. No one cared about her. They “buried” her a long time ago, treating her as if she were dead. Donilee felt like she had stepped into a timeframe where she didn’t belong.

   After the burial service, the family gathered for supper. Her mother stood beside Donilee and reached out to touch Donilee’s arm. Donilee knew there was something behind this gesture because this was the first time her mother had ever attempted to touch her, other than to beat her in the middle of the night.

   “Donilee, why don’t you come back and take your sister’s place?” suggested her mother. “You can have her room and her clothes,” she offered.

   Donilee was stunned. The only way to be accepted in the family was to take Melissa’s place. She wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. She had a lump in her throat that prevented her from responding. She felt nauseated having learned from Margaret the previous night that Melissa was having an incestuous love affair with her father. “Taking her place” meant more than taking care of her parents. Of course, her mother thought she was giving Donilee the gift of acceptance and a wonderful opportunity to come home. Donilee heard it as a sentence to the past.

   Donilee’s knot in her throat remained. She was afraid. If she said “no,” they might get violent. Her parents left the kitchen to a room nearby while the question lingered unanswered. Donilee went to get a glass of water, but while doing so, she overheard her mother, “Why couldn’t it have been Donilee?” her mother said. Donilee could not believe what she heard! This was the ultimate rejection. She was emotionally reeling, but the picture was clear. The only way she would be accepted in her family was to agree to be a surrogate. She would have to become Melissa and lose herself to gain a family who spent years shunning her. That was a heavy price to pay for a disloyal family who didn’t love her. Donilee had no desire to go back to a father who abused her. How could she? Donilee knew it was time to pack her bags and return home. She was never going to be accepted there.

   How did Donilee overcome ongoing rejection from her family? “I will do for you what you can’t do for yourself,” God told her in a dream. “You are a new person. Let go of your past and start your life tonight. I will be there for you,” God assured her. Donilee knew that this was her second chance to have a better life. God told her not to mess it up because in His family, she could be happy, joyous, and free.

   Donilee’s encounter with God and her decision for Christ have changed her life forever. She had spent 21 years searching for God in AA, which she described as looking for God in all the wrong places. It took her a long time to discover that God loved her in ways she didn’t know she could be loved. When Donilee experienced God’s love and care, she learned how to love herself. She said, “Before I knew Christ, I felt dead on the inside. Feeling alive is one of the greatest gifts God has given me.” For the first time, she knows she is a precious child of her Father. Her Father cherishes her. Her Father adores her. Her Father takes care of her. Her Father never leaves her. Her Father protects her. Her Father provides for her. I couldn’t be happier for Donilee!

   Donilee overcame the pain of rejection by trusting God’s unconditional love and acceptance. If you’re scarred by rejection, there is hope. Donilee’s story in overcoming rejection can be your story. How do you begin? Trust God at His word. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Reach out to God by telling Him what’s on your heart and how you need Him. He is listening to every word. You have a heavenly Father who adores you. He deeply loves you. You are a beautiful creation who was made in His image. Your heavenly Father is the safest relationship you will have for eternity. Proverbs 8:17 says, “I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” Proverbs 8:35 says, “For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord.” Trust Him at His word!

   I am asking all readers to pray that the Spirit will help someone you know who has been emotionally wounded by rejection to seek the Lord and discover His unconditional love and acceptance for them. In the meantime, please know that Donilee experiences healing when she tells her story and learns that people are touched by it. She reads our encouraging comments, which is our grace gift to her.

This post was written with the permission and blessing of Donilee.

Blessings,

Lee Ann