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4.5.13 Are You All There?

     Have you tried to hold a conversation with a loved one who has memory deficits? If not, let me prepare you. It’s painful. My Dad suffers dementia. When he repeats himself and doesn’t realize it, I feel loss. When he calls me to request the steps to retrieve his voicemail, I hurt because he’s known how to use his cellphone for years. When he calls for the phone number of his facility so he can call the nurse’s station for help, I feel sad because his call button is clipped to his T-shirt – which he can’t remember. His dementia is teaching me to live in the present.

     We build relationships by making memories with loved ones. We share our lives with them taking for granted that we can build on prior conversations. But that’s not true when someone can’t remember what he said 60 minutes ago. Dad’s dementia requires a change in how I relate to him. Dad and I focus on the present. We talk about whatever comes to his mind because that is what he is able to process.

     Staying in the present is hard for me. “Take it one day at a time,” they say, or “Enjoy today because you don’t know you have tomorrow.” I hear these platitudes and know they are important, but I ignore them. I especially like, “Wherever you are, be all there,” because it reminds me to be emotionally present when I’m interacting with others.

     How well are we doing as a culture at “being all there?” I confess that I allow the IPhone “ding,” indicating I have email, to interrupt my time with others. I often text a quick message while a dialogue is going on. Or I let a TV program distract me while I am having a conversation. If I wanted to be “all there,” I would silence my devices to give my family and friends my undivided attention.

     When I visit Dad, I intentionally silence my phone. He deserves my undivided attention as much as anyone. I have no expectations that he will remember our conversations. Instead, he will remember the quality of our time together. Did he feel loved? Dad knows how he feels when I am with him, even if a day should come when he can’t articulate it.

Meet my Dad, Harry

     I am sad that it takes Dad’s dementia to wake me up to the importance of living in the present in all of my relationships. I need to “be all there” when I am with others – regardless of their stage in life. I don’t want to be careless with the precious time I have with anyone. No one is guaranteed tomorrow, but we do have this present moment. That’s where we need to live. Let’s make it count. Our loved ones deserve this.

     What can you do to eliminate distractions and be present to your loved ones?

Blessings,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Lee Ann

3.26.13 What Was on Jesus’s Bucket List?

     How did the word “bucket” get associated with death – as in someone just “kicked the bucket?” Out of curiosity I searched Google for the phrase, “kick the bucket,” and this is what Grose’s Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue reports: 

     “One theory is that the phrase originated from the notion that people hung themselves by standing on a bucket with a noose around their neck and then kicked the bucket away. However, during the 16th century, England had an additional meaning for bucket, i.e. a beam or yoke used to hang or carry items. A bucket was the wooden frame used to hang animals up by their feet for slaughter. Naturally, they were likely to struggle to their death and hence ‘kick the bucket.’” 

     Many people have their bucket list, meaning they have certain things they want to accomplish before they die. Some want to ride a hot air balloon in Albuquerque, NM. Others want to parachute out of an airplane. But have you ever wondered if Jesus had a “bucket list?” I believe He did. In John 17:1-25 it emerges while Jesus is praying to His Father before He faces His death. Here was what I believe Jesus had on His bucket list: 

      v. 2 – “For you granted me authority over all people that He might give eternal life to all those you have given Him.” 

     v. 4 – “I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.” 

     v. 6 – “I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world.” 

     v. 7 – “Now they know that everything you have given me comes from you.” 

     v. 8 – “For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me.” 

     v. 9 – “I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.” 

     v. 12 – “While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.” 

     v. 14 – “I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world.” 

     v. 18 – “As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.” 

     v. 22 – “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one – I in them and you in me – so that they may be brought to complete unity.” 

     v. 25 – “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” 

     Jesus had one more item on his bucket list. He faced the tortuous death of being nailed to wooden beams, or buckets, except the buckets weren’t attached to a ceiling. The wooden beams were shaped as a cross. His last task was to rescue us from the penalty of sin by shedding His blood for us. He was the perfect sacrifice who took our place on the cross. We know this was His final item on His bucket list because He said so. “It is finished.” (John 19:30) 

     As Easter approaches, I am filled with gratitude that Jesus was obedient to complete His bucket list from His Father. I accepted Jesus’s offer of the forgiveness of my sins and entered into a love relationship with Him for eternity. He has made the same offer to you! If you simply pray to Jesus and ask Him to forgive you of all of your sins and acknowledge Him as the Son of God who died on the cross for you, you will experience being saved and enjoying eternal life with Him. 

     What has our Father put on our “bucket list?”  

     Happy Easter!! 

Blessings,                                                                                                                                                      Lee Ann

3.13.13 A New Way to Manage Stress

     In this modern world, we can’t avoid stress, but we can learn to manage it with grace. Did you know that Scripture offers a biblical paradigm to manage our stress? I came upon this wisdom after blowing a gasket over a few changed doctor appointments for my Dad.

     Since my father asked me to handle his affairs in 2011, I’ve been responsible for overseeing his physical care by getting him the medical appointments he needs. I realized in early January that he was overdue for his annual physical. He also needed follow-up appointments with his lung specialist and his urologist. Dad’s physicians practice in Austin, and since Dad lives outside of Austin, I needed to coordinate with the Transportation Director, Curly, at Dad’s facility. I called Curly on January 10th to find out how far in advance I needed to coordinate three appointments on the same day, at the same clinic. He told me March was free and clear and asked me to fax whatever I set up so he could block it out on his calendar.

     I spent several days coordinating three appointments for March 7th. After I faxed Curly the data on January 15th, he called me to confirm the receipt of my fax. It was a lot of work and I was relieved, knowing Dad would get the care he needed. Until Curly called back on March 5th and let me know that he cancelled Dad’s two out of the three appointments. He apologized for having to do this, but the facility had another resident who needed to be somewhere that day, leaving no one to take Dad from one appointment to the other. I was not in the mood for an apology.

     “Curly, I specifically called you in early January to get YOUR input as to when I could set these appointments up!” I raised my voice. “You even confirmed them on January 15th!! Why is it OK to just dismantle these appointments two days before his appointments?? Why didn’t you call me if you needed help to get him from appointment to appointment? All you needed to do was ask!!”

     Poor Curly. All he could do was apologize. “But I moved your Dad’s physical to April 30th ,” he said.

     “April 30th?!” I asked with exasperation. “That’s my Dad’s birthday. He is NOT going to celebrate his birthday doing a physical!!!” I maintained my intensity, “Curly, I am NOT ok with this. As soon as we hang up, I am calling the administrator.”

     Which I did. Lane, the administrator, explained that they liked to set the residents’ appointments themselves. I became even more frustrated.

     “Then why didn’t Curly just SAY that??” I asked. I thought for a moment about what I needed to know. “Can Curly get my Dad to the clinic by 9:30am on March 7th? That’s all I want to know.”

     “Yes, he can,” he replied.

     “Then as soon as we hang up, I am calling the clinic and re-establishing the appointments that Curly just cancelled. If I need to stay with Dad to escort him around the clinic to get to his appointments, I will do it. I just need someone to communicate with me if they need my help.”

     As soon as I hung up with Lane, I called the clinic and was able to re-establish the appointments for Dad.  I felt miserable the rest of the day. Why did I just uncork on a van driver and an administrator? I pray every morning to be clothed in God’s spiritual armor. Every morning I pray for a fresh indwelling of His Holy Spirit to exude the fruit of the Spirit. So why did I act that way? I was discouraged that I couldn’t control my emotions. What would I need to do differently when I feel high levels of stress?   

     After thinking and praying about it, I discovered that the situation left me feeling powerless and inadequate. But instead of inviting the Lord to help me in the situation, I was on mission to fix this fiasco by myself. That’s unfortunate because it didn’t need to be that way. As I said at the beginning of this post, Scripture offers us a biblical paradigm to manage stress.

     In 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 Paul writes about a thorn in his flesh. He pleads with God three times to please remove the thorn, but God chose not to. Instead, God gave Paul a new paradigm to deal with his thorn or stress: But the Lord said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

 

     Paul accepts this new way of thinking. He says, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am in strong. I love Paul’s attitude. He gets it. It’s absolutely OK to feel inadequate, powerless, to feel weak, to deal with hardships and difficulties. He knows that God’s grace will not only be sufficient, but Christ will strengthen him. He knows to look to God when the stresses of life hit him.

     So here’s the irony in this paradigm from God. When I am feeling inadequate or powerless in a situation, I am in the best possible position I could ask for! I would much rather be powerless and have to depend on the Lord to provide His solution than for me to falsely assume “I can figure this out and don’t even need to pray about this.” So when stress appears and I feel inadequate, praise God! I will be forced to depend on Him, and His strength will be perfected in my weakness.

     How does Scripture help you to manage stress? I’d love to hear which passage ministers to you.

Blessings,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Lee Ann

2.24.13 To Publish or Not to Publish on Facebook

     Facebook has changed. When I joined in 2008, my friends posted pictures of themselves and their families. I enjoyed seeing their faces and knowing what was going on in their lives. But I think you’ll agree that the landscape of Facebook has altered significantly. When I go to the homepage, it’s obvious that it has become a site for free advertising. Now I hurriedly scroll past political stances, entertainment gigs, announcements, event reminders, quotes of the day, etc. I feel frustrated, and I need your help to resolve what has become a conflict for me.

     When Facebook originated, its goal was to foster connections among family and friends all over the world. I applaud this feature and value it. I am frustrated that it has become a marketing tool for any individual or organization seeking visibility. That’s not wrong, but people are clogging their pages by pushing their own products, businesses, and blogs, including me. I am part of the problem as I also contribute to the clutter, taking advantage of free advertising for my blog.

     I question my motive. On the one hand, I want people to read my blog to see God’s signature on my life. I want to show you how God is always faithful to me and never fails me. I want you to connect more deeply with Him because of what you read in my blog. God unconditionally loves us, and I don’t want readers to miss this message. On the other hand, I have an impure motive to post my blog to Facebook in order to gain visibility and new subscribers. In short, while trying to promote God, I am promoting myself. As a Christian, that doesn’t feel right. Our culture says, “That’s okay. Use the tools God has made available to share your story. Besides, social networking is here to stay.” But is God pleased when part of my motive is to promote myself? What if I choose not to plug my blog through Facebook anymore and trust God to grow my readership outside of Facebook?

     Statistics from my blog site reinforce the direction I want to move. Out of 340 friends, I see 10% of them on the homepage on any given day. When I post my blog on Facebook, I’m guessing approximately three hundred friends never see it on their homepage. In addition, my blog site shows Facebook as a “referrer,” so I know how many people access my blog from Facebook. The most I’ve seen is about 2% of all of my “friends.” Moreover, the 2% of people who read my blog post through Facebook are already subscribers.

     So where do I go from here? The answer would be easy if Mark Zuckerberg decided to start charging anyone who uses his page to promote a business or product. I would bow out. There is so much promotion to wade through that I am starting to lose interest. It is like reading a local newspaper filled with press releases and advertising, making it hard to find the news. If I’m working hard to get past advertisements and promotions, then I bet you are too, which means the chance of your taking the time to read what I have to offer is pretty slim.

     Your opinion matters. I am leaning strongly toward pulling my blog from Facebook. I’m sick of the clutter and tired of contributing to it. More importantly, I don’t want to elevate myself through Facebook. I trust God to promote my blog as long as I honor Him in my writing. Do you think it’s a mistake to quit promoting my blog through FB?

Blessings,
Lee Ann

2.12.13 Will We Lean on Our Staff?

     I am enjoying my home church in Austin, Riverbend. As I pull into the parking lot each Sunday, I see drivers waiting in over-sized golf carts to take people from their cars to the front entrance. As churchgoers stream up the sidewalks, I notice the familiar greeters stationed at the door, ready to give us a warm handshake. As soon as I step inside, I see Helen, a woman in a wheelchair, who always hands me the worship bulletin.

     To make eye contact with Helen you have to kneel so that she can see you. Her head is often tilted to one side with her eyes looking toward the floor. Yet Helen is not hindered by her disability. She has been a faithful volunteer since I’ve been in Austin. My guess is that she’s been serving in this capacity for much longer. Touched by her servant’s heart, I always remember to thank her.

Helen, a faithful servant

Helen, a faithful servant

     Worship bulletin in hand, I ascend the ramp leading to the main walkway of our sanctuary. Because our sanctuary is designed like an amphitheater, it is shaped in a semi-circle. The walkway separates the lower section of pews for people who prefer to sit closer to the stage and the upper section of pews for those who enjoy a birds-eye view of the platform. The stage is the lowest part of our sanctuary backed by a wide window that reveals tree tops and a peaceful sky. It is a breath-taking view that enhances the worship experience.

     I take my seat, and watch the young families with children find their favorite seats and the guests trying to decide if they should sit closer to the stage, or stay at a distance in the balcony. As I watch everyone pile in, I’m struck by the men and women who come to the sanctuary assisted by walkers, canes, or wheelchairs. Most of us don’t think twice about getting out of bed, getting dressed, and getting out the door, but those who have disabilities make a special effort to be here. It probably takes them twice as long to get around and put themselves together to be able to attend worship.

     It’s easy to be inspired by their obvious effort to join other believers, but what inspires me is deeper than their physical effort to worship. I find myself asking, What really drives them to be here? Surely they’re not coming out of legalism that says, “all believers ‘should’ attend worship every Sunday.” I found my answer reading an Old Testament passage in Genesis 47.

     Jacob and his children were rejoined with Jacob’s son, Joseph, in Egypt due to a famine. Jacob was 130 years old when he made this move. Seventeen years later, Jacob senses that his death is imminent, so he decides to do last minute estate planning. He calls in Joseph and asks him to swear that he will be buried with his other family members in Canaan, not in Egypt where he’s now living. Verse 31 says, “Then Joseph swore to him, and Jacob worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.” Jacob is 147 years old! Jacob desired to worship God, even though he was frail and had to lean on his staff.

     I think Jacob was driven to worship God at 147 years old because he had a deep, abiding love relationship with God. God never failed him. God was always faithful in fulfilling His covenant promises. God delivered him in times of hardship, whether it was working for his Uncle Laban who kept changing the terms of his work relationship, or whether it was the fear that his brother Esau would kill him, or whether a whole community would kill him and his family because of two sons who mass murdered all the men of Shechem. Jacob wrestled with God. Jacob had to know that God was worthy of all glory and honor.

     Helen reminds me of Jacob. I bet she’s experienced a God who has always been faithful to her. Because of her devotion to God, she has never let her disability stop her from serving God by handing out worship bulletins, or worshipping God with us. Our day will come when our bodies will become less cooperative. Some day we will have a “staff” to assist us. Will we be driven to do whatever it takes to worship with other believers when we’re disabled and tempted to stay home? Will our effort to worship by leaning on our staff be a reflection of our lifelong devotion to cultivate a growing love relationship with God?

     If you’re not sure, what are the obstacles in your way to connect with God and worship Him? Is there anything I can do to help you or encourage you?

Blessings,
Lee Ann