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5.15.10 My Rose-Colored Glasses

Upon my death, I bequeath to the highest bidder at my estate auction my most phenomenal, amazing pair of rose-colored glasses.  These rose-colored glasses have been with me all of my life and they have successfully helped me to see situations more positively than they really were. 

Most of you probably know that I relocated to Austin seven months ago with aging parents being the primary motivator behind this decision.  The pressing need that caused me to seriously pray about being in Austin over the last three years was my father who is an amputee, and who was facing assisted living last year.  God’s hand was definitely in the timing of this move, and I am so thankful that the good Lord worked out all of the details in His typical, marvelous fashion.  But I will tell you that when I made this move,  I was wearing my special rose-colored glasses.

With the help of my rose-colored glasses, I was able to visualize being the daughter my father needs me to be by being available and accessible whenever he needs my help.  Often the help he needs is as basic as doing grocery shopping for him since he doesn’t drive as an amputee.   Since he has problems with chronic venous stasis ulcers on his “good leg”, he has faced multiple hospital admissions since I have been in Austin due to infections that develop.  These hospital stays are prolonged as it takes a week just to overcome the infection, and then he faces two weeks just to rehab to make sure he is mobile enough to  function safely in his own apartment before they discharge him.  The primary point of moving here at this chapter of my life was to be helpful in his time of need and to really have a servant’s heart to assist him whenever possible.

Unfortunately, this adjustment has been overwhelming to me.  My Dad’s needs are real and often, and as soon as I took off my rose-colored glasses, what I saw very clearly is that I am a fiercely independent person who has not experienced “being needed” by another person on such a regular basis. This move has sadly accentuated how self-focused I really am.  Many requests “inconvenience” me.  That’s pretty shallow, I know.   Some of these requests aren’t even “inconveniences”; he just wants me to come over and see him and spend time with him, and I will resist at times by finding excuses as to why it doesn’t always fit my schedule.  I find myself entertaining the hypothesis that if I had ever married and had kids, I would have learned sacrifice in relationships and learned what it means to “be needed” by a child, and a servant’s heart would have been cultivated much earlier than now.  Frankly, I overrated my spiritual maturity in the area of serving others.  I am apparently attached to daily routines without major “interruptions”.  It’s just my tendency of making tasks more important than people. 

My Dad is one of the most gracious persons you will meet.  If you had stopped by his hospital room today, as I did, you would have heard him gush about how thankful he is to have me as his daughter and how helpful I am to him, and how he can count on me to pray for him, and how proud he is of me.  He will tell this to nurses in my presence, or staff at his assisted living facility, or anyone who will listen.  (As he sings my undeserved praise to others, I am thinking, “Those rose-colored glasses look really good on you, Dad.  They are working really well at the moment!”)  He is being very kind, even after having processed my struggles with him and sharing with him my own disappointment in myself.   I believe he is being way too generous in his assessment of me. 

The hope I have as I work through this situation is that Christ is not done transforming me into the woman of God He desires me to be in Christ Jesus.  Phil  1:6 says, “Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”  I am praying that He will give me a servant’s heart to serve my Dad and to keep in perspective that in the scheme of eternity, there is no task I am doing that is truly more important than helping my Father out when he needs me.  I am learning boundaries as to what kind of help I can provide, and I am learning to scale back expectations of myself and give myself room to spiritually grow, and I am learning how to pace my daily routine so that requests don’t have to be such an “inconvenience”.  I certainly haven’t arrived, but I am getting there slowly, but surely.

I will still wear my rose-colored glasses.  There are days that I just don’t want to deal with reality, and wearing these glasses help soften the real picture when reality is harsh to look at.  On other days these glasses are quite helpful because I can see the best in a person when they are not always at their best, or see challenging situations that are daunting and embrace them because “it doesn’t look so bad”.  Just as my Dad sees the best in me, I know God always sees the best in me, even when I can’t see it or visualize the end result that He already knows I will someday achieve with His help.  The difference is God doesn’t need a pair of rose-colored glasses.  He sees the beauty in me and what I am becoming in Him without the help of glasses.  That alone gives me hope.

Be sure to bring your checkbooks and arrive early as my rose-colored glasses will be the hottest item to bid on and the first to go. 

Blessings,

Lee Ann

2.21.10 Forward Progress in My Spiritual Journey

I am writing this evening with a high level of encouragement as I am seeing that God is moving in my life and has begun to open doors of ministry here in Austin.  For those who have followed my journaling through all of my notes, you may recall back in November 09 that I expressed frustration at my own resistance to taking steps to sharpen my teaching skills and be even more impactful in the teaching ministry when life is clearly short and days can be so easily frittered away.  You may also recall that I asked for prayer that I would be more intentional about sharpening my skills as I so desire to do more for the Lord.  Your prayers were most helpful.  Here is the progress made toward seeking His leadership in how He wants to use me in a teaching ministry of some kind, the door He has opened, and what I have learned in the waiting process.

First, I took time to have lunch with my senior pastor and an associate pastor after Thanksgiving to share what my gifts were and how they have been manifested in past ministries.  It was a wonderful time to make a meaningful connection and to hear the possibilities of how I might fit at Riverbend Community Church.  As I am writing, I still have other staff members I need to meet to look at all the ministry opportunities where my teaching and evangelism gifts can meaningully intersect their areas of ministry.  In the meantime, the initial starting point was to put me on a substitute teaching list so that I can gain some exposure in a Sunday School setting when the need arises.

Second, I took very generous Christmas gift money and purchased a bible software program that allows me access to quite a library that includes commentaries, original language helps, and all the teaching tools you could ever imagine.  In fact, I will be in Dallas a couple of days this week just to get training on the software to make sure I can use this tool as efficiently and effectively as possible.  This has been an investment in my teaching ministry I have been wanting to make, and I am blessed to be able to acquire this tool.

Third, I am discovering that the Lord has really grown me over the last year in the area of intercessory prayer.  I shared in October 09 that God had led me into an intercessory role for a particular family system that began in March 09, and I have prayed faithfully on a daily basis for almost a year now, and it has provided great joy for me.  The joy of intercession has led me to seek out joining a prayer team for our pastor at Riverbend during the actual worship services.  I discovered a strong group of prayer warriors that pray faithfully during the worship services, and now I am on a schedule to cover one of the services on at least a monthly basis.  It was in this ministry that God has opened a door for me.

The prayer coordinator was learning about my story and what brought me back to Austin, and when she learned my background in ministry, she shared that they were looking for breakout speakers for their upcoming Women’s Retreat in March.  She was faithful to bring my name to their Women’s Retreat committee, and through that process the Lord has opened a door for me to lead some sessions at the retreat the last weekend in March.  I am thrilled that the Lord has given me a great opportunity to meet the women of Riverbend and to use my teaching gifts in the process.

Through this whole process of waiting on the Lord, I found myself asking, “What if the Lord doesn’t open a teaching ministry for me in Austin?”  “What if the intercessory prayer ministry is all He is asking me to do?”  “Can I be content with this intercessory prayer ministry and praying for my pastor behind the scenes?”  The more I pondered this, I found myself asking, “What if the Lord required a strong prayer ministry as a prerequisite from each of us before allowing us to do any other ministry?”   “How many ministries would come to a screeching halt because there wasn’t a strong prayer ministry to undergird it?”  “What would our world look like if 100% of all Christians engaged in prayer first and foremost and simply obeyed whatever the Lord was leading each of us to do?”  “What ministries does He really want us to be engaged in for the cause of Christ?”  “Shouldn’t all Christians have a black belt in prayer before trying to do any other ministry?”  “Shouldn’t all Christians have a powerful ministry through prayer alone?”  “Without a strong prayer ministry, wouldn’t any other ministry we attempt be just in our strength rather than His?”  “What kind of ministry would that be anyway without His power?”  It just seems to me that Christians are without excuse when we think God can’t use us or that we have nothing to offer while the power of the Holy Spirit is inside us just waiting to be unleashed – if we would just spend time with Him in prayer and find out how He wants to use His power in us to further the kingdom of God.

These questions emerged because like many others, I enjoy a more hands on ministry connecting with other people and seeing that I can positively impact peoples lives and help them grow through the teaching ministry.  However, if God never opened a door for me in this arena for the rest of my life, I am learning to be quite content that I can have one of the most powerful ministries possible by simply drawing to Him in prayer and interceding for others daily and watching these prayers loose and bind things on Earth to accomplish His will on Earth as it has already been established in heaven.  I love this process, and now I look forward to seeing glimpses each day of how partnering with the Lord in prayer is impacting His kingdom with or without a teaching ministry.  You gotta love it!

Blessings,

Lee Ann

1.17.10 Do You Give to Everyone Who Asks?

Living in Austin has presented a new theological  tension for me.  To introduce this tension the scriptural framework for today’s reflection comes from Luke 6:27-38:

27“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. 33And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. 34And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. 35But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

37“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

I heard Andy Stanley preach on this about a month or so ago, and it has stuck with me.  First, he sets the record straight that there are two verses within this passage that are often pulled out of context.  The first is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (v.30)”, while the second is “Do not judge, lest not you be judged (v.37)”. 

Andy challenges the listener to read this passage in its entirety and see for yourself that the two above verses have everything to do with GIVING TO ANYONE WHO ASKS-  even if it is your enemy who is asking for help.  Why? Because not only will your reward be great, but more importantly, we are to be merciful just as our Father has been merciful to each of us.  After all, He is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked, which was all of us before we placed our trust in Christ for our salvation.  Thus, when we embrace that we are all on a level playing field before God and have experienced His mercy, then it also follows that we are to be merciful by not judging others who ask for help.  Jesus’ message is give to anyone who asks and do not demand it back or expect repayment.  We can’t use the excuse that someone is our enemy.  We can’t judge others by sizing them up and determining if they are “worthy” of being helped as none of us were worthy of His mercy, but He was merciful to us anyway. 

Now that you have the scriptural background, let me share the latest tension.  When I lived in Hutchinson, not once in the 15 years that I was there did I see one person standing on a street corner panhandling.  My experience in Austin is quite the opposite.  Everyday that I drive to work and get around town, there is a panhandler on almost every corner.  I see 1-2 panhandlers/day.  These panhandlers are getting sophisticated in their asking for help.  I documented their signs verbatim while sitting at red lights:

“Giving is like sharing.”

“Need Work – not giving up –God Bless, Happy New Year”

“Happy Holidays and New Year”

“Happy Holidays – Anything Helps – Thank You”

“No gimmicks, no lies, just need a little help”

“Willing to work – hungry – WWJD”

“It’s going to be sooooooo cold tomorrow – please help”

“Will work – need help- Thanks”

“Homeless and out of work – anything helps – even chump change”

“In need of an angel – anything is a blessing – thank you”

“Cold, hungry, God Bless”

“Can’t find a job – need to survive- legalizing God’s Word”

“Blind Texan – God Bless”

“Homeless & Hungry – need help-everybody needs help sometime – God Bless”

These are people who are asking, and I could roll down my window and give what little cash I tend to carry in my wallet any way.  But here’s the tension.  Years ago when I had lived in Houston and saw panhandlers everyday, I had a pretty calloused attitude toward them because I was quite judgmental of them.  I had preconceived notions that they were manipulators who were lazy and wanted easy handouts.  I made the assumption that they would take the money and buy alcohol and cigarettes with it, and why would I dare enable such spending?  I also believed that by my rolling the window down and giving them cash was only rewarding their decision to stand on a street corner to ask for money.  It didn’t help when the Houston Chronicle did a feature that indicated that some of these panhandlers made $30K/yr by standing at a major intersection by the Galleria Mall on Westheimer! 

This tension is very real for me.  My flesh wants to judge them, or point them to organizations who are designed to give to those in need to relieve possible guilt, yet I believe the scripture is quite clear that I am to give to any person who asks.  What if they would take cash and buy alcohol?  Who am I to judge that or to assume that?  When it comes to giving, should I use discernment about who I give to? If yes, then isn’t that a glorified way of saying I am judging a person and their circumstances?  Am I being specifically asked just because I happen to see a panhandler’s sign sitting at an intersection?  Am I off the hook if the light is green and I never had to stop at the intersection? 

While I am resolving this tension, I am going to err on the side of giving to everyone who asks.  I think I am going to pursue McDonalds gift certificates so that I can give a meal to someone in need and know that I didn’t judge them or ignore them.  I look forward to the day I can roll down my window and not even feel a tension.  When that happens, I know I have quit attempting to judge the panhandler. 

Blessings,

Lee Ann

12.13.09 He’s Got the Whole World Wide Web in His Hands

What in the world would we do without the internet?  Technology is such an amazing thing, and I marvel at the many applications we have available to us that allow us to communicate with anyone all over the world with the click of a “send” button through a computer or a mobil phone.   Today,  the internet allowed me to exercise what I love the most: sharing the good news of Jesus Christ with others who are seeking Him and trying to understand who He is and what He has already done for all of us.

Because of the power of technology, and because I am in transition having just relocated to Austin 2.5 months ago without a small group to go to just yet, I have been going online over the last month and watching Andy Stanley preach “live” from Atlanta, GA, from 5-6pm CST, and then processing his sermon via the chat room with about an average of 25 participants.  I have done this over the last month, and I have been greatly energized by the chatting that follows a sermon.  I am reminded on a weekly basis that people are hungry to understand what is really missing in their life and how to fill that void.  Each time I have participated, I see the most genuine questions being asked.  Today the questions we dealt with from someone signed in as “truthseeker” were:

1. What is the atonement theory all about?

2. Why couldn’t God just forgive us our sins without having to send Christ?

3. Why is it that Jesus is the only way to God?

4. Isn’t sin just “missing the mark”?  If yes, why can’t God put up with a little imperfection?

Several of us stayed in the chat room until 7:30 just processing some very heartfelt questions with this one individual because it was important to him, and he needed the support.

I signed off completely energized by this experience as I have each time I have gone to the chat room.  I believe God has given me a gift to share God’s word with people who are skeptics, genuine seekers, or anyone who is just wanting to know an answer to a specific question without feeling strong-armed or pressured.  I was reminded that God can use me over the internet as well as face to face with individuals. 

As we continue to go through the Christmas season, I can’t help but wonder how many FB friends are deep down inside questioning:

The reality of God, or

The reality of His deep love for you, or

His ability to forgive you of your past failings, or

His real interest in having a personal love relationship with you, or

His perceived “absence” in the midst of suffering or loss of a loved one

Does He really hear my prayers? 

These are just starter questions, and you may have many more, but I want to invite you to “attend” Andy Stanley’s worship service to hear him share God’s Word.  He is NOT boring.  In fact, he is very engaging.  I feel like I am at his kitchen table having a cup of coffee with him when I listen to him.  The link is at http://www.northpointonline.tv/  He comes on every Sunday from 5-6pm CST.  I encourage you to go to the chat room following his sermon and create a username that is anonymous (if that is important to you), e.g. abc123, Fred Flintstone, or whatever.  Ask your hard questions.  There are many of us who want to see you discover your purpose as to why God put you on this Earth in the first place!  Since God is in everything and is in control of everything,  I want to assure you that He really does have the whole world wide web in His hands.  That means that if you are genuinely seeking Him, He will meet you wherever it is safest for you to meet Him.  If you want to meet Him through the internet, He has your URL address and will join you there.  He assures us in His word that “if anyone seeks me, he shall find me.” (1 Chronicles 28:9; 2 Chronicles 15:2; Jeremiah 29:13)

For my Kansas friends (for that matter any of my friends no matter where you live), I would also point you to a pastor and friend based in Hutchinson, KS, Andy Addis.   You may catch him leading a live bible study on Wednesday nights at 7:00pm at http://live.crosspointnow.net/live.php.   You may also hear his sermons at http://www.crosseyedlife.com/   and click “This Week’s Teaching” in the right hand column.  You will find him to be very engaging and far from boring!

My point is that the internet now opens a door for anyone who is seeking God to easily connect with others and safely explore Christianity without the intimidation of showing up at a church building where you don’t know anyone.  I would also like to invite anyone who has questions to feel free to ask me if you feel safe enough to do so.  You have my personal email address and phone number in my contact information.  I would consider it a privilege to even dialogue with you.  In the meantime, please take advantage of the technology.  It is my prayer that this Christmas season you will personally discover Christ in CHRISTmas.  Jesus is asking you to “ADD” Him as your friend.  Please “CONFIRM”.

Blessings,

Lee Ann

11.7.09 Life is Short

I struggle with procrastination more than I care to admit.  There is so much more I want to do for God.  Yet, every day I wake up, I realize I am now one day closer to meeting my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.  Stated differently, when I wake up each day, I realize that I have one less day to make a difference for Him, which equates to another lost opportunity that can’t be retrieved to do more for Him.  After all, the number of days that have been allotted for each of us has already been ordained before we ever came into being according to Psalm 139:16.  Life on this earth is short, and He has given us an opportunity to give our lives back to Him and partner with Him to make a difference in His kingdom.  I am always impacted by I Cor 6:19-20 that says, “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own.  You were bought at a great price.  Therefore honor God with your body.”  I have always internalized this as “Well, if I was bought at a great price and Christ was willing to take my place on the cross, the least I could do out of gratitude is give my life right back to Him so He can use me with the gifts He’s given me.”

This struggle has been accentuated over the last 12 months as I have watched young people fight for their lives against cancer.  One friend has lost the battle (Lori Peister), while one whom I continue to pray for has been in a tough battle for nearly a year (Dennis Dick), and one who just got diagnosed with brain cancer and had brain surgery last Tuesday after going to the ER for an unmanageable “migraine” on Sunday (Eric Walton) is getting ready to do battle.  Life is so short and truly unpredictable.  That’s not news.  The bible says in James 4:13-14, “You who say, ‘today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city,  spend a year there, carry on business and make money.  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life?  You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.’”  You and I really don’t know that we have tomorrow unless the Lord allows us to wake in the morning.  We all see these situations on a regular basis, and I think to myself, this could be me just as easily as it could be you in these situations.  Cancer and illnesses are not a respecter of people.  Some of you can already identify with this kind of battle as God has healed you and extended your earthly life by His grace.  I would bet my life savings that it changed your life and the priorities you have in a positive way.  Many cancer survivors will say “appreciate the life you have and live each day to the fullest”, or many will consistently say, “we are too wrapped up in things that don’t matter. “  Without fail, survivors seem to have a much stronger appreciation for the gift of life than those of us who have not (yet) faced life-threatening challenges, and they live life more fully in the presence of God than they ever had before.

So here is my frustration.  Exactly what does it take for me to quit wasting time and/or procrastinating and really pursue the passion God has given me to be a better bible study teacher and be a better student of the bible so that I can reach more people for Christ and facilitate the growth of those who are already believers?  How much more motivation do I really need to get going? How much more sickness do I need to see?  How many more days am I going to squander before I finally get moving?  I have only been dwelling on this passion for the last 3 years and have for the last 3 years found ways to keep it on the back burner.  It’s time to step it up a notch and take the gift of life and live it as fully as I know how with the passion and gifts He’s already given me and just build on it.  After all, I don’t know when I will be called home.  My days could be alot shorter than I think.  Presuming that I will live a long life is a faulty assumption.  I don’t know that I will get to live a long life.  The unknown number of days that I really have should be more motivation to get started. 

If you have made it this far, I would simply ask that you pray for me.  I need to tag what my real resistance is to move forward.  I really want to be more effective for Him and really sharpen my spiritual gift of teaching and impact more people.  Jer 29:11-12 should be further motivation as He promises me (and you) a hope and a future He has already laid out for me.  It’s time to experience what He has laid out for me in advance and get going because life is short. 

Blessings,

Lee Ann