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11.11.12 Who Got the Swing Vote?

My choice for President didn’t win, but I can’t say that I am upset at the outcome. I see elections through a Christian worldview that affirms that God is always in control. Did you know that God is a registered voter? His precinct is the world. Do you realize He votes at every election?

Proverbs 16:33 says, “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.”

Romans 13:1 says, “Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.”

These verses may sound like the voting process is mere chances, but God is always in control. We cast our vote, but He carries 51% of the vote at all times. He has the swing vote in every election. So why did we bother to vote? Because we have the privilege to participate with God in His kingdom. He desires to push His story through each of our votes.

Proverbs 16:9 says, “In his heart man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”

 

Let’s not forget the fact that the Bible contains God’s love story written to us, and He has already told us the ending. Each person was created with a special purpose in mind, and we are right in the middle of His story as its playing out. We aren’t just “extras” on the scene. We have a valuable role while we’re here on Earth. Just as God is writing His story through each of us, God is doing the same thing through Obama’s presidency. We may not always understand why He chooses certain leaders, but His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and His ways are higher than our ways (Isa 55:8).

In the end I trust His choices. God used His swing vote to allow Obama another term. This doesn’t change the fact that God will remain at the helm to continue enacting His story to the end. Now we have an obligation to participate in His precinct by praying for our leaders and accepting the outcome. It was His decision.

Blessings,                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Lee Ann

10.12.12 Saying Goodbye to Calvyn

I am grieving. I’m not talking about just a feeling of sadness. I am talking about waterfalls of tears over the last three days. I have had the blessing of caring for a dear cat, Calvyn, for 18.5 years. She was a barn kitty I adopted in Iola, KS. I got to bring her into my home as soon as she could be weaned from her Mother. I loved her from the moment I got to hold her:

Calvyn at 8 weeks old

Calvyn at 8 weeks old

Calvyn was a cherished pet who will always have a special place in my heart. She was so easy to care for. Though most cat owners say that cats are generally low maintenance, Calvyn was especially easy. She just wanted to enjoy my company as much as I wanted to enjoy hers. She was one of those cats who wanted to be where I was, but to pick her up and hold her had to be on her terms. So instead of being a lap cat, Calvyn was always by my side. When at home for the evening, her spot was right next to me on the couch. When it was bedtime, she chose to sleep right by my head with her body nestled against my pillow. Before I would go to sleep, I would just love on her. I stroked her just to get her motor going. Her purr started like a lawn mower in the choke position, but after the mower warmed up and was put into full throttle, the engine was loud and strong. Her purr was music to my ears every night. Once her purr was at full strength, she would reach her paws onto my pillow and trap my hair so she could knead it. Try going to sleep with your hair pulled! In the morning when it was time to get out of bed, I would start making the bed and say, “It’s time to get up!” Calvyn immediately knew that was her cue to leave the bed so I could finish the task of making her side of the bed. These rituals have been in place for a long time.

I have always known that cats won’t live forever because no one does. I also know that indoor cats live on the average 17 yrs. So the knowledge that I wasn’t going to have Calvyn much longer has dwelled in the back of my mind since living in Austin the last three years. I did notice over the last year that she was more arthritic.  She walked more slowly and had to work harder at jumping onto furniture. I didn’t think much of it as I feel arthritic too, and it’s something I am learning to embrace that comes with aging.

It was this week that I knew Calvyn was nearing her death. It started with more sleeping than her norm. I have three cats, and I know where each of their napping stations are in my house and when they like to be at their favorite location. On Monday, it was a bad sign that Calvyn never left the couch to join me in bed. So I picked her up and brought her with me. She purred while appreciating my assistance.

Tuesday included another signal that Calvyn wasn’t feeling well. After I got home from work, I went looking for her to see if her lethargy was temporary, but it wasn’t. I found her hiding while curled up on the closet floor. This was her hiding place when movers were trapsing in and out of my home while moving me in. It registered with me that Calvyn was withdrawing. Because it appeared that she hadn’t moved far from the bed to the closet, I worried that she wasn’t eating or drinking.  I decided to bring the food and water to her in the closet hoping she would be interested. She drank lots of water, but ate no food. I brought in one of her favorite blankets and put her on top of it since it was softer than the carpeted floor. While I expressed my affection to her, she was very responsive and kept purring, which gave me some hope, but my grieving process began. As soon as I left the closet, I couldn’t stop crying. I knew I was losing her, and it was just a matter of time. When bedtime came, I couldn’t stand the thought of her dying alone in the closet, so I picked her up and took her to bed with me. She was content, but she hardly moved.

On Wednesday morning, she was allowed to stay put. My bed was half-made. I made sure she was fed, so I filled up her water bowl and brought it to her. She enjoyed breakfast in bed, but then within five minutes, she threw it up. I cleaned up the mess, and with tears just told her how much I loved her, but needed to head to the office. I left wondering if that was going to be the last time I would see her. My heart just hurt, and I cried all the way to work.

After returning from work, I was amazed that Calvyn had the strength to move herself off my bed and into the living room. I was thrilled that she wanted to be where I was during the evening hours. Since she got herself to the living room, I determined she was well enough for me to take my usual 30 minute walk with my ipod. As I was walking, I was listening to some of my favorite sacred pieces, and when the Lutkin benediction began to play, I started to cry right in the middle of my walk. As I listened to, “The Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine upon you and be gracious to you; may the Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace,” I started to pray these words to the Lord for Calvyn. I poured my heart out asking God to spare Calvyn of any suffering or pain and to allow me to be with her until she passes. I have no idea what my neighbors were thinking, but I finally got back to the house and found Calvyn right where I left her.

I tried coaxing her to the couch, but she wouldn’t budge. So I picked her up to stand her up, and her legs just collapsed like a house of cards. So I picked her up and placed her on my lap. The tears started to flow again, and I spent a couple of hours just talking to her, brushing her, which she loves, and petting her. She still purred, so I knew she was content:

I spent two hours talking to her. She loves to be stroked, petted, and brushed.

I spent two hours talking to her. She loves to be stroked, petted, and brushed.

When I picked her up from my lap to carry her to my room for bedtime, she let me know that it hurt her. So to keep her comfortable, I put her in her favorite fluffy pet bed, and then I picked her up in that bed so it was easier to transport her without causing her any pain. Using her favorite pet bed solved another concern. Since it was obvious she couldn’t walk anymore, going to the litter box was not going to happen. So having her in her favorite bed would catch any “accidents”. With her pet bed next to my pillow, we were ready for bed. However, I did not sleep that night. I was in tune to every sound or request that she made. What did happen that was so sweet is that she made a special effort to reach her paws over her bed to touch my hair. That loving act triggered another crying spell.

I had to get up early Thursday morning for a company training session that was 1.5 hours away. Calvyn meowed just once around 5am that communicated distress. I have never heard her meow like this. I was torn. Should I punt the training, or take the risk that she will be around another day? As I prayed for guidance, I felt God’s peace to head to the training. How He showed me it was OK to leave is that when I brought a water bowl to her first thing Thursday morning, she drank most of it. I just sensed she would be sustained. I loved on her and told her again and again what a joy she has been in my life and that she has been nothing but a pleasure as my sweet companion. I parted with, “I love you, Calvyn” and headed out the door – again wondering if she would be alive when I returned. The roadtrip began with more Kleenex.

Every Thursday evening I have a prayer ministry team who meets with me to pray over the Women in the Word Sunday School class that I lead. Tonight was different. It was only me and Bonnie. I just unloaded on her the amount of grief I was experiencing and how I was struggling with whether or not I should take Calvyn to the veternarian to be put to sleep or just let her die at home. I worried that I was being selfish to want her at home. She gave wonderful counsel and assured me based on what I was describing that Calvyn was showing the common signs of a cat nearing death. I had already researched the internet on this topic and made a couple of calls to some veternarians to determine I was doing the right thing, but I just needed reassurance. Needless to say, we spent time praying less over the class than usual.

Instead, we prayed in agreement for the Lord to usher Calvyn into His presence without pain and suffering. We appealed to His nature of being a loving, compassionate, merciful and gracious God. We asked Him to help me show tenderness, gentleness, kindness and love to Calvyn in her final hours. Most importantly, we prayed that He would give me the grace gift of allowing me to be with her so she wasn’t alone when she passed. This hour was filled with many tears. I thank God for my dear sister in Christ who held me up before the Lord when I could barely do it myself.

I got home that evening thanking God for His grace to allow me to still have Calvyn for however long I had left. She was still in her pet bed by my pillow. I brought her a bowl of water, and it was all she could do to hold her head up, but she drank a healthy amount. As we settled in for bedtime, I just knew in my heart she could go anytime. I prayed the same prayers over Calvyn as Bonnie and I prayed. I even asked the Lord to allow Calvyn to stay in my mansion until I got there. After more tears, I went to bed with Calvyn by my pillow. It was a sleepless night. The strange meows happened once every hour it seemed, and I would comfort her every time it happened. While both of us were trying to sleep, I could tell her breathing became shallow. I would just pet her and stroke her to remind her that I was right by her side and wouldn’t leave her.

Today my alarm went off at 7:30am, but it was pointless because I had been awake all night. It just meant it was time to start getting up and around. Calvyn’s breathing pattern changed again. Her breath intake was slow as was the exhale. Each exhale came with a soft, prolonged moan. I brought her a bowl of water to see if she would drink. She did, but she lost interest after a few swallows. I just had this feeling that we were within an hour of her passing. I cancelled my client appointment for this morning. I just sat there with my Kleenex sobbing as I spoke to her, stroked her, and brushed her very lightly. I prayed over her again and asked for no suffering and pain. I then asked the Lord to take her home. At the conclusion of my prayer, Calvyn was in a position that I knew would not change:

Calvyn's final position in her favorite fluffy pet bed when she drew her last breath

Calvyn’s final position in her favorite fluffy pet bed when she drew her last breath

I had finished getting dressed and came back to her side. She threw up some saliva, and after that she put her head back down. Within a few more breaths, she passed away while I was petting her and assuring her that I loved her and wouldn’t leave her. She died this morning at 9:35am.

I thank God for His tender mercies and His love for Calvyn and me. What a precious, sweet time it was to watch Calvyn enter into eternity. She was not in pain, nor was she suffering. God was so faithful to answer every prayer uttered for Calvyn. I can’t thank you enough, Lord Jesus, for the precious gift of Calvyn, or for the gift of answering every prayer to give her a peaceful homecoming. I love you, Calvyn.

Blessings,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Lee Ann

9.16.12 The Fight for Independence

     I wish I could say I’m a patient daughter with my Dad at all times, but I can’t because it isn’t true. One aspect of caring for Dad that creates tension for me is being asked to shop for medicines or products prohibited by a facility. 

     While Dad was in a rehab hospital, he asked me numerous times to buy him Benadryl, Imodium, aspirin, and 5-hr energy drinks. These requests frustrated me. I shouldn’t have to spend his money to buy meds already provided by the medical facility! I want to use those dollars to pay down his credit card debt. I decided to explore this with the team of therapists and Cheryl, a nurse, in Dad’s care plan meeting. 

     “Cheryl, about a month ago Dad asked me to bring him Benadryl, and you brought to my attention that the doctor removed it from his room,” I said. “I learned that this facility has some legal liabilities if medications are not monitored, so I informed Dad that he needs to ask the nurse for these kinds of items. But just a couple of days ago, he called and asked me to bring him aspirin and 5-hr energy drinks. It sounds harmless, but I don’t want to break any rules,” I said. 

     “Harry, do NOT put that kind of request on your daughter!” Cheryl said emphatically. “That is not fair to her. We have told you before that you are in a controlled setting, so you can’t have her bring in medicines.” Dad’s anger began to rise. 

     “I am SOVEREIGN. I am a human being. Why can’t I have aspirin!?” Dad asked. “I have also been taking Benadryl prudently twice a day for FORTY-SIX years, and I have never had a seizure, nor does it make me drowsy.” Cheryl lectured him again about being in a controlled setting and the legal liability they face when patients take meds without their supervision. 

     I knew Dad was angry with the outcome, but I thought he would cool off and embrace the reality of being in a controlled setting. I was wrong. A week later Dad phoned me to inform me that he took a trip to Walmart and spent $80. 

     “What purchases did you make at Walmart?” I asked warily. 

     “I was running short on pullups, and I also bought a couple of bottles of aspirin and loaded up on 5-hr energy drinks,” Dad replied. 

     “Dad, I just bought you a package of 28 pullups less than a week ago. Were you that low?” I asked with irritation. 

     “Honey, I am down to 15-16, so I thought I would stock up,” he explained. 

     Dad sensed I was not happy and asked, “What’s wrong?” 

     “I’m disappointed,” I answered. 

     “May I ask why you’re ‘disappointed’?” he asked sarcastically. 

     “Dad, you’re breaking the rules of the facility by bringing in aspirin and 5-hr energy drinks,” I said. 

     “It was only $1.69/bottle for aspirin. So what?!” he retorted. 

     “Aspirin costing a $1.69/bottle is NOT the point. You broke the rules.” 

     “$1.69 is the point. It is a big hassle trying to get aspirin from the nurses. It’s inconvenient. I don’t see the harm in it,” he rationalized. “An aide just walked in the door, so I am going to need to hang up. But you’re welcome to call me in the morning to beat me up about this,” he said. 

     “Oh, Dad!!” I said angrily. I laid into him in rapid fire succession. “Please don’t play the victim role. You blatantly rebelled against the facility. You were told you couldn’t bring these items in, and you weren’t going to be denied. You weren’t willing to hear a ‘no’, so you ran to Walmart to fix it yourself.” 

     Dad replied, “We will just have to agree to disagree. You just don’t understand.” 

     “That’s fine,” I said. “I think I have a clear picture of what’s going on here.” 

     After the emotional fumes dissipated, it occurred to me that maybe Dad was right. Maybe I didn’t have a clear picture. I failed to understand. We all desire to make decisions for ourselves. It’s ironic that we have the right to decide what doctors can do to us. We can refuse treatment. They can’t force us to swallow pills. We can leave facilities against medical advice. Those are examples of exercising our sovereignty. Yet, if my Dad wants aspirin, he can’t have it. Once he’s under someone else’s roof, he has to abide by their rules. But even though he’s in a controlled setting, Dad can choose to refuse all prescribed medication if he desires. It’s inconsistent. Sovereignty works when my Dad doesn’t want treatment, but sovereignty doesn’t work when he wants to be proactive by taking aspirin. 

     Dad’s statement that he is “sovereign” keeps reverberating in my mind. I looked up sovereignty. Sovereignty is “the quality of having supreme, independent authority over a geographical area. It can be found in a power to rule and make laws.” Dad was declaring that as a human being, he is the final authority on what he can or can’t do.  

     We call this free will, and we exercise it every day. Free will works great when we exercise it within the rules of our authority.  When we exercise free will by breaking rules, then our sovereignty comes with consequences. Thus, our sovereignty has limitations because there is always someone with greater authority over us. When we came into the world, our authority was our parents. When we went to school, our teachers were our authority. When we’re at work, our employer is our authority. As citizens of our community, the police force is our authority. But in the end, God is the only one who is sovereign over all earthly authorities. We are always under His authority. When we exercise free will within God’s established rules and parameters, life is great. His rules help us to achieve the best out of life and in our relationships if we follow them.          

     Dad is having a difficult time embracing that the doctors have his best interest at heart. When Dad was at the rehab facility, he refused to believe he had lost his sovereignty. Just to prove it, he made more trips to Walmart. And he took more aspirin. Dad now lives in a long term care facility where he faces the same rules. Dad still refuses to believe his sovereignty is diminished. I know this because I received a credit card alert that $129.75 was spent on a phone order for supplements, which are prohibited by the facility.  These activities frustrate me and test my patience regularly. He’s fighting for his independence, and our day is coming when we will do the same. This awareness can help me stay more patient with him while Dad struggles to change lifelong self-medicating habits. 

     Dad deserves a more patient daughter, so please pray that God replaces my impatience and frustration with His grace to administer to my Dad when he needs it. 

Blessings,                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Lee Ann

8.8.12 Take My Life and Let It Be Consecrated to Thee

     I have the privilege of sharing an email I received today by permission of the author, Alicia Smith.  Alicia is a dear sister in Christ whom I’ve known since living in Hutchinson, KS. She has a great love for the Lord and a heart for people.  There are times she will send a significant spiritual reflection that is refreshingly raw.  It’s an unreserved outpouring from her heart; but more importantly, it is an outpouring of the Holy Spirit through Alicia’s heart.  This is what she shared today, and I just felt a need to publish this because her message resonates with me. How often do we ask the Lord to help us hear His voice, and yet when He clearly speaks, we are not obeying Him? 

Take My Life and Let It Be Consecrated to Thee

      The Lord spoke something to me profound the other day as I was driving and listening to K-Love in the car.  The d.j.’s were talking about the shootings in Colorado and asking why this happened and how God could allow this if He is everything the Bible says He is.  People tend to say,  “Well I don’t know why. He allowed this to happen but He has a plan.” We are not outright blaming Him, but yet we really are.  The Lord distinctly then said to me, “Well why haven’t My people taken My light into the world and destroyed all the works of darkness?!!!?” 

      It caught me a little off guard to be honest, and I immediately repented.  In Genesis when He created man, He chose to give us the authority here on this earth, and He never violates His Word.  He has mandated that WE go out into all the world and take authority over all darkness and fill everything with His glory; His truth; His light.  It’s not us doing these things, but rather us allowing Him to work through us.  He could do this without us, but instead He chose to let us be a part of it and do it through us.  He has given us free will and ultimately will never force us to do anything; He won’t violate the free will He has given each of us.  He has a plan, but it requires our participation!!!!!!   

     If we as the church had been listening intently after Him every day and obeying what He had told us to do in each of our “circles of influence” in this life, then the man who shot those people in Colorado could have gotten the help he needed before he did what he did.  It’s a spiritual battle Ephesians says and not one of the flesh.  That man needed Jesus to set him free from his demons and the devil.  And only christians who know how to listen to the Holy Spirit can offer the help that man truly needed.  Jesus is walking in the flesh in each of US, so in order for Him to continue to heal and preach and teach as He did 2000 years ago, WE must learn how to listen after Him and obey without another passing thought.  It should just be how we live.  It’s truly the normal christian life as the Bible teaches us.  

     It’s really not about us at all, but rather about Him filling all of us with His magnificent glory.  That’s the end goal.  How awesome that He has allowed us to be a part of His plan, but yet what an awesome responsibility.  We will all on judgment day have to answer to Him.  May we learn these things NOW in this life, instead of in the next life as we stand before Him and weep at what could have been.  

Alicia Smith

7.28.12 30 Days of Grace

     Dad and I have been running our separate races against a 30-day clock since June 27th. We were informed at his last care plan meeting that his last day of Medicare coverage will be today, July 28th. Since that announcement, Dad’s only goal over the last 30 days was to learn how to transfer himself as a double amputee with two artificial legs. That means he has to be able to transport himself from his wheelchair to a toilet, or a shower bench, or a bed and back without someone helping him. If he can do this, then he can return to his assisted living apartment. 

     I had multiple goals over the last 30 days, but the two key goals were:

  • contact a VA attorney to see if Dad is eligible for a pension income based on his service during the Vietnam war era
  • find a skilled nursing facility (SNF) he can afford 

     On Friday, June 29th, I met with the VA attorney to get the pertinent information I needed to determine if Dad would be eligible for benefits. It turns out he doesn’t qualify for the income, but the attorney suggested I explore SNFs that are in smaller towns because they are more affordable, but still provide quality care. His advice resonated with me. I know of several SNFs in rural Kansas towns that have a strong reputation for outstanding care as a SNF. The one he recommended was Parkview in Lockhart, TX. 

     On Sunday, July 1st, I took a drive to Parkview. I showed up unannounced to see how staff would interact with me. I was allowed to walk through a variety of wings and peer into semi-private rooms. I checked out all of the amenities. It was beautiful, spacious, and it had a warmth to it because of the natural light allowed to come into the facility. I knew my Dad would be comfortable here, and the price was right. But my homework wasn’t done as I needed to look at Austin SNFs. 

     On Wednesday, July 4th, I spent three hours calling 35 SNFs to get quotes on room rates. My goal was to come up with a top five list of affordable places that I could visit. Out of 35 calls, only one admissions counselor asked about Dad’s insurance. The counselor got excited when she heard “Tricare”. She said, “I have two patients who are at our facility because Tricare granted them physical therapy once their Medicare coverage ran out.” I got excited because God just revealed another option that was never presented by Dad’s social worker. 

     On Thursday, July 5th, I called Dad’s social worker to relay the Tricare benefit that Dad might be able to obtain. She responded, “I have never heard of this benefit.” (I’m thinking, “I know. God is showing us that.”) She offered to call Tricare to see if this was true, and it was. Tricare will pay 75% of the total daily charge for Dad’s physical therapy, while Dad would be out the remaining 25%. In addition, Dad’s out-of-pocket would be capped at $3,000. He can afford it because the 25% he would have to pay matches almost dollar-for-dollar the amount of credit he is getting each month at the assisted living apartment because he’s not using all of their services. God keeps showing up! 

     On Saturday, July 7th, I visited five Austin SNFs to get the feel of the environment and the interactions between staff and residents. Everyone I met was glad to give me a tour and let me ask questions. It was a tiring day, but productive because my list shrunk to two affordable SNFs to admit Dad if that was our next step. 

     The social worker officially sent in the request to Tricare for 30 days of physical therapy on July 12th. Since then it has been a waiting game. Tricare would only approve physical therapy if Aetna sent a denial letter saying they won’t cover Dad once his Medicare-covered days run out on July 28th. You would think that a simple letter could be faxed or scanned, but Aetna kept dragging their feet. As of Wednesday, July 25th, we still did not have a letter. Aetna’s delay concerned our family, so I called Parkview to find out what they needed to approve Dad as a new resident in case Tricare denied coverage. They gave me a checklist, and I promptly went to the Medical Records department on the 25th, signed a medical release on behalf of Dad at 2pm, and they were to fax the data so I could get an approval from the Lockhart facility. By 4pm that afternoon, the good news came that the Aetna letter arrived, so that got faxed to Tricare so they could make their decision. 

     In the meantime, my brother and I needed a contingency plan to move Dad out of his apartment this weekend in case Tricare denied coverage. Should Gene go ahead and reserve a U-Haul truck for Friday and see if he can take off on Friday to help move Dad? Gene was wondering how confident I was feeling about Tricare approving Dad for coverage, and all I could offer was “I think so.” Gene decided he would wait until Thursday before reserving a U-Haul truck. 

     At noon Thursday, July 26th, I called Parkview to see if they had Dad’s medical records, and they said no. That required a flurry of phone calls between me and Dad’s facility to find out why that hadn’t been done. They said they did fax it, and Parkview said they never got it. So I asked medical records to fax it again at 2:30 that afternoon while the admissions counselor was at their fax machine, and it came through just fine. 

     At 3:30pm Thursday, July 26th, Dad’s rehab team was delighted to call me to let me know that Tricare granted Dad 30 days of physical therapy! After making phone calls to let the family know of the decision, I could only thank God profusely. God delivered a grace gift of 30 more days of physical therapy to enhance Dad’s chances of going back to his assisted living apartment. By Friday morning, July 27th, Parkview gave me the approval to accept Dad in case he needed a SNF. The race against the clock is over. It’s now up to Dad to prove he can transfer by August 27th. Please keep praying for him! 

Blessings,                                                                                                                                                                                                                             Lee Ann